Today Was Supposed to be the Day

It's been a long week. And today is thankfully the end of the long week. Today was supposed to be the day that I met the Romanian for dinner in the Southside. I was so excited for my dinner date after weeks of talking to the Romanian. Monday night I went shopping with a friend to find the perfect first date outfit - and I did find the perfect first date shirt. It was cream colored and rather elegant, but not overly dressy.

Tuesday night I went out with some friends to celebrate Mardi Gras. I was having a great time even though the Romanian had sent some pretty weird text messages. "Super Bowl guy" was out with his friends and I was hoping to get to talk to him, too, because we had talked the Saturday before, but I was too stupid to realize that he was flirting. He ended up leaving that night and I immediately after realized my mistake. I thought that "Super Bowl guy" may have been upset with me for being completely ignorant of his advances because Tuesday night around 11pm, he went to leave with his friends. I stopped him to ask if he would be in later in the week (I was hoping for Friday) and he said, with a highly irritated tone, that he didn't know. As he walked out the door, I was slightly put off by his short tone, but wasn't too concerned as I thought about my upcoming date on Saturday with the Romanian.

However, not even a half hour later, I start getting text messages from the Romanian. He was being weird again, tell me that he wasn't my "husband (slave)" even though I hadn't text messaged him in awhile. Pitt had lost the basketball game to Providence that night and the Romanian said that Pitt didn't deserve a 20th ranking and neither did I. I was trying to figure out what was wrong with him and why he was being such a jerk over text message. He never really explained, but when I asked him if we were still going to go to dinner, he replied, "Sure. But I hope you know that I'm 48 and not white." 48??? He told me he was 28. The picture he had looked like a 28 year old, so obviously that was not his picture. I was devastated. I couldn't, and still can't, understand why he would have lied about that. He did say that loneliness makes people do crazy things and that he was just a lonely doc[tor]. No fucking kidding! Lying to people is not going to make them want to be involved with you. And by the way, he told me he only had a master's degree and was a lab manager. yet another lie. I texted back to him Tuesday night asking him not to speak to me ever again. I was offended and done with the Romanian. He did have the nerve Wednesday night to text me and ask me how I had been. I wrote back and said "What part of 'you lied to me and I never want to speak to you again' did you not understand? Apparently all of it. Bye." Fortunately I have not heard anything from him. Let's hope he gets the point faster than "med student guy" did.

I ended up spending the next day in bed, mostly sleeping, but I did eat a whole ton of Chinese food as well as watch a movie and some crappy TV shows and commercials. I felt, and still a little bit, awful. Especially when "Super Bowl guy" was out on Thursday as I was reestablishing my fabulousness and he didn't even look at me. I should have gone to talk to him but after his tone Tuesday night, I didn't really have the guts to do it. I might have to take a bit of a break from online dating for now after "med student guy" and "Romanian guy" and the fact that now I have to struggle to get a first date. I thought it was bad enough never getting a second one! Thank god for a friend's birthday and having another friend in town so I have fun, happy things to do tonight so I don't think about the fact that I am supposed to be having dinner with someone I thought was 28 year old lab manager with only a master's degree.

Do You Want the Good News or the Bad News First?

I'll start with the bad news because everyone always starts with the good news.


Bad News:
Don't you know that I checked my email this morning before I left for work, only to find that "med student guy" emailed me again? This is what he said:

"Kristy,
I miss talking with you babe. I know you dont believe me but I really didnt mean to stand you up babe. I honestly fell asleep. But anyways, Just wanted to say hi.
Paul"

I really have nothing to say to that. Estimated time of response: when hell freezes over. I also decidedly left his (supposedly) real first name in just in case anyone runs into a 2nd year med student named Paul who's approximately 6'3" so you will know to be careful around him because he's shady or at least ask if he's the guy that likes to meet women online, string them along for a month, and then stand them up.


Good News:
So I was very excited to talk to "Romanian guy" last night. We started talking online around 6:45 and then got on the phone around 7:30. We spent the next 3 hours talking and we also have a date to meet. Saturday Feb 28th. We're going to dinner and drinks afterward if dinner goes well. He seems very sweet and it's definitely adorable when he gets very surprised or excited over things we take for granted, such as finding restaurants on Google or rice cookers. However, I apparently have to try some lamb when we go to dinner. That should be interesting since it's outside of my "I eat very plain food" boundaries. The only downside is that I have to wait a whole week and a half to meet him. This is going to be a long week and a half. Hopefully though, no more bad news between now and then.

Things to Keep Me Occupied While I Wait

I know that I don't have any patience. So in order to pass the time, and as I mentioned in my previous post - hedge my bets, I have been talking to "Romanian guy". He seems pretty nice and I totally dig the accent! We finally spoke on the phone yesterday and I found out his real name. Apparently when he and his parents moved here 8 years ago, they decided to Americanize their names. They really Americanized them! It was one of the first questions I asked because he really had a plain American name for someone who claimed to have spent the first 20 years of his life in Romania. I like his real name better - it's very cool! I'm looking forward to talking to him again soon, which may happen tonight since he has sent me a couple text messages.

However, there are 2 things that are making me nervous. First, I haven't heard from "PhD coffee guy" even though he had logged into Match.com yesterday. I was hoping he logged on to get my phone number, but I didn't get a call yesterday. I just don't want to end up expecting the second date but coming to the realization that he was only being polite when we met last Thursday because he wasn't interested and didn't want to hurt my feelings. I am just asking for some honesty.

The other thing making me nervous is that anytime I ask "Romanian guy" when we're going to meet in person, the only response I receive is "soon". I am not going to spend another month talking to someone who ends up just stringing me along. It's not a pleasant feeling and I don't feel like going through that again. I fear shades of "med student guy".

Let's hope this week goes well with something positive coming from either "PhD coffee guy" or "Romanian guy".

Now That Valentine's Day is Over...

...I will begin the wait for my email from "PhD coffee guy". I figured that he wouldn't get in touch with my until after this weekend because of Valentine's Day. So I started my watch for "PhD coffee guy's" email or phone call. Nothing yet, but it's only been 24 hours. However, I did Match.com stalk him to see if he had been online to see what my chances were of getting my second date. He hasn't been on since we met so chances look good!

The rest of my online dating time this weekend was writing people to tell them I was waiting to see what happened with "PhD coffee guy". Of course, these were just new people and not people I have already spoken to as I want to hedge my bet. I'm trying to do the polite thing, but I'm starting to get tired of emailing. Especially on Plentyoffish.com! Every time I login when someone writes me to write back that I'm waiting to see what happens with "PhD coffee guy", I get another 5 emails from people who are currently online in my area and see my picture on the banner showing people who logged recent activity. It's been a vicious circle.

"Romanian guy" and I finally spoke online as did "Ohio doctor guy". I think "Ohio doctor guy" might not have been interested after our conversation Saturday, but that's ok since I'm holding out for "PhD coffee guy" and because, well, he lives in Ohio. "Romanian guy" and I will talk some more, but there just seems to be something off so I'm really holding back. It's probably just going to end up being IM conversations.

Let's hope "PhD coffee guy" gets a hold of me soon. I hate the waiting part and I really want the second date with him!

So Many Men...So Little Time...But Probably a Second Date

After the debacle of last week, I have kept my expectations low. I continued to email "Ohio doctor guy" and "Ohio commuter guy". I also did get a response from "Russian PhD guy" and I wrote him back. "Ohio doctor guy" asked if we could IM because he wasn't big on writing emails on the Plentyoffish.com site and he wanted to talk in real time. Additionally, he said that he's only working part time now since he just graduated med school and missed the residency matching. Honestly, it sounds rather fishy to me.

There is also "Romanian guy". I had actually received an email from him the week leading up to the Super Bowl while I was waiting to meet "Med student guy". I did write him back to "Romanian guy" but during Super Bowl weekend things became rather hectic and I wasn't able to get back to him until the Tuesday after the game. When I didn't hear from him I assumed he had met someone else. However, he emailed me last Tuesday or Wednesday that he had just been too busy to get online and that he had gotten my IM request.

So now both "Romanian guy" and "Ohio doctor guy" are trying to pin me down on instant messenger. However, while they were leaving me IMs last night, I was out meeting "PhD coffee guy". Turns out that "PhD coffee guy" is much cuter in person than his picture! And he's going for a PhD in Physics and Math at Pitt. He also seemed like he was very modest and sweet, not arrogant like some of the guys I have met, such as "Nuclear engineer guy".

Since "PhD coffee guy" and I hadn't really had much email conversation prior to meeting, we did have some awkward moments. He also seems to be a bit more like me as he was occasionally prone to having a quiet moment where he was listening but also thinking. It was also funny that we went to a coffee shop and were both drinking tea. And he was there before me so it was definitely not just him being polite and drinking what I was. He had also picked a nice little tab in the corner - when I first walked into the coffee shop I didn't see him and there was a moment where I there was a just a little thought of "what if he doesn't show up?" that went through my head since I was about 5 minutes late and I didn't see him. Stupid "Med student guy" trying to screw up my head...thank goodness it didn't work!

At the end of the evening after we talked about the usual getting-to-know-you questions and discussion as well as 2 cups of tea, it was time to head out since he had work to do for today. Then it got really awkward. I was having a hard time gauging his reactions. There were many moments where he was smiling and probably just as many when he wasn't. After the first cup of tea I wasn't sure if he wanted to stay or not, so I checked the time and asked. He was up for another cup of tea and he went to get the second round. We put on our coats, picked up our empty cups, and headed towards the door. It seemed to be a lot of looking out of the corner of my eye to see if he was ready and trying to decide if he wanted me to wait for him to walk out. So I just waited and we went outside. I found the best way to break the awkwardness by telling him that I had a really nice time. He said, "Thanks" and that he had a great time, too. He also asked if he could email me or call to ask me out to lunch or to grab a drink. I said that I would definitely like that. He walked me to my car, which was also on the way back to his office since he was going to do some more work tonight, and smiled back at me as he walked away.

So I'm back in a position I've been in more times than I care to remember....waiting for the phone call or the email. I do think that it will happen. At first I was concerned with all of the awkwardness that he had just said that as his response to the awkwardness. But as I thought about it, and I have had this confirmed through others who thought the same thing, unprompted by me - it was too specific of him to ask about lunch or a drink that I am pretty sure that I will finally get my second date. Barring any random incidents of major injury, ex-girlfriends, or magically lost cell phones that is.

It's Time to Get Back On the Internet

I have to take pride in the fact that I will conveniently forget things. Maybe this is what they call "repressing" memories, but whatever. I'm going to roll with whatever works.

I had winked at a bunch of people and received some responses already. One guy from Plentyoffish.com emailed me on Saturday, so I wrote him back. "Ohio commuter guy" lives in Ohio but works in Robinson. He likes roller coasters. Don't know much more about him really.

Then there is the other Ohioan. He just emailed me today on Plentyoffish.com. "Ohio doctor guy" makes me nervous after "med student guy" - I'm afraid it's "med student guy" under another guise. The emails could be rather similar to "med student guy". Short, doesn't really answer questions...there's misspellings, too. But some differences. I'm going to continue being wary about this one. Besides, he lives in Youngstown. I'll probably never meet him. Especially since it seems to be "med student guy" again.

Now on to Match.com, that's where I did most of my man searching. The two responses I received from there were both from guys getting their PhD's. I just don't know what they're going to school for yet. We'll call the one "PhD coffee guy" and the other "Russian PhD guy".

So "PhD coffee guy" doesn't have much on his profile, but he does mention going for coffee if interested. I did wink at him and he did respond. He gave me some more info that he likes to read a lot and watches some sports (probably not nearly as much as me.) So I figured I might as well just jump on in and meet him for coffee and see if we have anything in common. I'm afraid he's not much of a communicator as evidenced by the bare bones Match.com profile. He should read my post on profile writing. Right now the plan is to meet for coffee Thursday. I suggested the Starbucks in Oakland because I'm lazy and don't want to go far, but I might have to start getting away from the Oakland stuff since I don't want these people close to my home turf. I'll keep everyone posted regarding "PhD coffee guy" to let you know whether we have anything in common at all. It's a maybe.

"Russian PhD guy" is also going for his PhD. I'm assuming he's getting it in Russian right now since he's fluent in Russian and has done a good portion of his research in Moscow. He's from the south so he bakes pies and likes bourbon. He seems fairly cool and normal. I had winked at him but he wrote me first. I replied yesterday evening so I'm just waiting to hear back from him. Hopefully he'll write back soon.

Looking at the post above, I feel like I'm being just a bit jaded. Possibly. I don't know if the sting of Friday has really worn off, but I definitely can't sit around being whiny about some creepy douchebag who stood me up. I need to have a new boy to obsess over then I'll be fine. "Super Bowl guy" has been on my mind, but I have no idea when I'll see him next and again, I have reservations about him anyway but I am keeping him as an option. At least I've met him in person and I know for sure that he's attractive, smart, with a great sense of humor! Maybe "Super Bowl guy" can be my reach goal.

As If Online Dating Hasn't Already Traumatized Me Enough...

I've hit a whole new low in online dating with finding a new creature - the guy who likes to string women along with no intention of ever meeting them. Apparently they get off on knowing that we're sitting somewhere waiting for them and being upset.

Friday night the phone rang and I knew it was "med student guy". I was waiting for the cancellation, but he just asked if we could move it back to 9pm. I was fine with that so I went out for a couple drinks with friends before heading over to meet him at the bar we had picked out 2 1/2 weeks before when he had to cancel. So I got there a little early to get situated and waited. And waited...and waited. I called at 9:15pm to see if he had gotten lost but no answer. I didn't receive any response and by 9:45pm I gave in to the fact that I had been stood. The only benefit was a free beer and shot from my friends who were working that night. I went back over to where some of my other friends were hanging out to hopefully salvage something out of the night. It was pretty futile though as I was upset after weeks of build-up.

I woke up Saturday morning, rather depressed that I had been stood up, and emailed him through the Plentyoffish.com site. I wrote him around 9:30am with the subject line "You stood me up" with the body of the message consisting of "What the f*ck?" I then went back to bed as I was just emotionally exhausted. He wrote back around 9:45am to tell me that he was sincerely sorry, had fallen asleep, and totally understood if I never wanted to speak to him again. When I got up again around 10:45am, I received the message and went to write back, but noticed that his username was not showing up. I investigated what happened and it turns out that he deleted his account 10 minutes after he sent me his excuse as to why he stood me up.

Of course through this whole ordeal I had been updating my Facebook status and was completely embarrassed when my boss called Saturday morning as he was heading out for his week skiing in Aspen to make sure I was ok. I was heading to Costco, trying to do anything I could to get my mind off of "med student guy" since that was over now. I just didn't even want to talk about it. My boss and I both had the same idea that "med student guy" was, in reality, some weird online person who does this to lots of people.

The last thing I need to get through is tonight since "med student guy" had asked me to go to the Pitt/WVU basketball game, which I was really looking forward to. At least I can take solace in the fact that I'm not getting stood up tonight while waiting in front of the Pete with thousands of basketball fans heading to the game. That would have been more embarrassing than Friday.

So over the weekend I've worked very hard to get passed this. I winked at a bunch of guys on Match.com and 2 of them have written back. One already asked if I wanted to get coffee sometime this week. So I will write these guys back and see what happens. There is an offline prospect, "Super Bowl guy", but I think it's a very long shot based on our conversation - he had gotten out of a long term relationship and I was talking to someone else that I was really into (until he stood me up last Friday anyways). I had noticed "Super Bowl guy" a couple months prior to the game, but hadn't really had a chance to really converse with him until that night. Regardless, I'm not taking anything very seriously at this point in order to keep myself protected from another weekend like this. Especially since I'll be dealing with more pain come Friday and Saturday with Valentine's Day. I will spend a lot of time cursing at every Valentine's Day commercial on TV. However, I do hope something positive will pan out of the train wreck formerly known as "med student guy" with either "Super Bowl guy" or one of the new online prospects.

How to Handle Emails Through Your Dating Site

I'm going to take a break from the drama of "med student guy" for a moment to discuss the issue with emailing with others through an online dating site.

Most sites (Match.com, Eharmony.com, and PlentyofFish.com for sure) have some sort of way to let someone know that you've seen their profile and you're interested. Match.com has "winks", Eharmony.com has "icebreakers", and PlentyofFish.com has an option for you to add someone as a "favorite".

Once you get past this initial interest, or if you are very interested in someone and want to cut to the chase, then you can either IM or email them. Most people tend to email first. IMs we can cover in another issue.

With email you have the ability to think about what you want to say and also check for tone. It's also a comfortable method of communication as most people utilize email for their jobs and personal life.

However, sometimes taking the chance at emailing someone you would like to get to know better doesn't always end with a return email. Oftentimes, the object of your interest won't email back. This occurs for a number of reasons:

1. They looked at your profile and don't think that based on your preliminary information that you are compatible.
2. They checked out your picture and don't think you're attractive in return.
3. They either just met someone and want to see how things go or they are involved in a relationship now but their profile is still up regardless of whether or not they pay for it. (Apparently Match.com leaves your profile up and if someone emails or winks and your subscription is up, you need to pay again to respond.)

Now, I don't take it personally if someone doesn't write back. In fact, I find that it's actually a good thing to not waste my time or excitement if you're not interested or are seeing someone else. However, I just discovered the other day that there are some people who take the lack of a response very personally and actually take out their aggression on you.

Picture this: PlentyofFish.com, a guy I don't particularly find attractive and how lives in West Virginia (not even the same state as me!) sends me an email. I'm currently only using PlentyofFish.com to email "med student guy" since he doesn't use his Gmail anymore. Obviously at that time, I wasn't interested in meeting anyone else and definitely not some dude in West Virginia. A few days later I guess this random guy noticed that I had been online recently but had not yet answered his email. Instead of considering one of the four reasons listed above, he fires off this message to me telling me that I was rude and at least he didn't judge me by my picture.

Obviously, this guy has some serious self-esteem issues. My self-esteem issues aren't even that bad!! So I wrote back, annoyed, to tell him that he did judge me by my picture if he's assuming that I'm just a snobby bitch. I said that he was the one who was rude, emailing like he did when he didn't know me. Additionally, I said that if he knew me, he would know that I've only been using PlentyofFish.com to email one guy in particular and no one else. I ended the email with "Good luck" and hit send. While it sucks that not everyone you find attractive and interesting doesn't always think the same about you, there is no reason to act inappropriately and fly off of the handle.

So if you are trying this online dating thing, please remember to not commit such an unacceptable use of the email function like West Virginia guy. You're not going to win over any hearts that way!

So Today is the Day

The day that I meet "med student guy". I cannot wait until 8pm! I am nervous that he'll cancel again. Yesterday he emailed me that he was going to be hanging out with some friends in Oakland.

Through our email conversation yesterday evening, we had discussed having him and his friends come hang out with me and my friends. "Med student guy" was supposed to call me and let me know either way, but he never did. That's one of my biggest pet peeves. I live my life around remembering to call people at specific times, and when someone else can't remember to call (and this isn't the first time) it's rather annoying to me.

I went to bed unsure of whether we're really going to meet tonight or not. I know that around 6:30 when he called two weeks ago to cancel I'll be exceptionally anxious. Most likely, the anxiousness will last from 6:30 until he shows up. I'm still rather positive about it though - I have had butterflies all day yesterday and today!

"Med student guy" did email me today. He was greatly concerned about the incident with the firemen (I had to call them last night. Turned out to just be an issue with a dusty smoke detector.) I put his mind at ease that I was safe, in one piece, and not char-broiled. He said that he had a good time last night with friends he hadn't seen in awhile and that we were still on for tonight. Actually, he quoted the Mannings vs. Williams' commercial that it was "on like donkey kong!"

Let's hope "med student guy" comes through for me this time!

It's On!! For Now...

I texted "med student guy" last night when I found out that girls' poker night was canceled. I hadn't heard anything from him by quarter after 7, so I decided to put in a movie. The post-Super Bowl exhaustion set in halfway through the movie and I fell asleep. It was the weirdest thing - I woke up, realized the movie was over, sat up, and the phone rang. It was "med student guy". I answered and we were talking for awhile.

Neither of us really remembered talking to each other Sunday night amidst all of the celebrating (apparently he was being supportive of his Steelers fan friends so he was celebrating.) So we covered our celebrating and where we had gone to watch the game. He told me that DeJuan Blair (phenomenal Pitt basketball player that he says he's friends with) was in the parade as he was invited by Charlie Batch. He also told me about the incident on the elevator on Monday when he had an errand downtown and was getting harassed by Steelers fans because he was wearing his Cowboys coat. I can't believe he owns a Cowboys coat...

"Med student guy" said he was feeling better, but still having a hard time getting around to get to class, get errands done, and get to physical therapy. I made mention of us finally getting to meet and he asked what I was doing Friday. I don't think I have any plans (if anyone is reading this and we do have plans, let me know - I'm going to have to apologize and reschedule, but then again if you're reading this then you'll understand why.) So Friday it is! Not long after though, he asked if he could call be in 10 minutes because he wanted to go get a drink, and never called back. I hate that - I'm always afraid that he's fallen down and hurt himself.

Friday - take two. I'm really hoping that this Friday he doesn't call me as I'm getting dressed again and reschedule. I won't be able to take it if he does. And unless he reschedules for Saturday or Sunday, then I'm not going to the basketball game on Monday. I was asked earlier today why I wouldn't, because it sounds like a great first date. I have to meet him before we go to the game. Aside from the general pressure of meeting someone that I'm really interested in, there is the pressure of being at the game where we can't really talk because I'll be into the game. Maybe we'll hang out afterward, but if we don't click in person like we do talking through various other forms, then I'm that girl who just used him for basketball tickets. And potentially really great basketball tickets. On top of that, if the seats are really great seats, then I'm already going to feel like I'm on the spot since everyone in the arena is looking towards the court and I will hopefully be very close to the court. I know - I have created too much pressure myself. I can't help it...overactive imagination. I'm keeping that in check in other ways so I think you should give me this one.

Regardless, I am really hoping that this time Friday will work out. And that Monday, if not before, I will finally have a second date with someone that I really like.

The Longest Week Ever

It has been the longest week that I've had in awhile. I didn't get to talk to "med student guy" very much. He found out at the doctor's on Monday afternoon that his surgery would be on Thursday. So "med student guy" was busy getting everything in place with school, work, and volunteering prior to surgery.

Of course I had to try to persuade him to meet up Tuesday or Wednesday before the surgery, despite the impending winter storm. But I was unsuccessful. The only day that I got to talk to him at all was Tuesday.

From Thursday morning on, I was constantly checking my email and phone to see if there was any word from "med student guy". I didn't hear anything until Saturday. So we're back to email. And he called after the Steelers won last night to make sure that I was safe and having fun. Hopefully I'll get a call from him tonight and maybe we'll finally be able to nail down a time to meet and he won't have anymore freak accidents!