30 and Single...Online

Six Months Later

2009-12-12T14:15:00.003-05:00

And things are still well with my "offline guy". We had a lot of fun times over the summer hanging out with friends, sitting on the porch in the evenings, and going camping. And we had our not so good moments with disagreements but managed to work through them. All in all, things have been good and there is more to come.

He's definitely not one to rush into major life things, most of the time anyways, but about a month and a half ago, the discussion turned from us having our own places next fall to us living together when my lease ends. We're both very excited about it and have already started looking for places with an August 1 open date. Especially since many of the areas we would want to live in rent to college students and these places start showing apartments in January. I'm hard to live with - I hope he knows what he's getting into!

We found one downtown that we really want to see, so as I'm waiting to hear back from my contact, I started watching season 2 of Tough Love that has been sitting on the DVR for the past month. When I found this show last year while I was writing about my online dating experiences, I watched to get some hints and tips for when I met people for the first time, especially since it's very important to make a great first impression. Especially in Pittsburgh with the limited dating pool for any woman over the age of 24.

Looking at the new season, I felt way ahead of the game when it came to meeting guys compared to the new cast. And while I know that I was lucky since "offline guy" and I had already been friends and I didn't have to worry about the first impression, I am still enthralled by the show and I think that there are still some really good tips in regard to personality differences and just keeping your sanity moving forward. And these tips can be applied to all relationships.

Back when stopped writing in June, I had initially intended to continue the blog with my experiences dating "offline guy". Of course, he would hate many details being posted because he is a private person compared to my typically open-to-the-public way of living. In hind site, I can continue this blog without too many specific details and hope that my experiences provide some help. And I can definitely write some commentary about what I'm seeing on Tough Love. I'm going to try to see where I can take this blog from here. Hopefully I will stop being so lax with my posting. We'll see I guess.

It's Been Awhile...

2009-06-09T12:16:00.002-04:00

It's been almost a month since I've written a post. I'm not purposefully slacking, just been busy hanging out with my boyfriend. Yes, we're using those terms now and it's pretty nice - definitely makes me smile.

And this whole month has been an adventure. There has been a lot of hockey watching and cheering for the Pens through the playoffs and into the Stanley Cup (after my Flyers lost to them, of course.) We've also spent a lot of time outside on the porch talking with friends we've had for awhile and making new friends in my neighborhood. We've had a couple fun nights in Bloomfield where he lives, and trips to Oakland. We've gone for countless drives in his car enjoying the afternoon or evening air and once to kill time until my car was done being worked on. Some of my other favorite activities were a friend's BBQ in North Park on Memorial Day weekend, going to Kennywood on Memorial Day, hanging out for my birthday (the actual day and the celebration the Saturday after), and recently a trip to McConnell's Mill to go hiking.

We're also planning a camping trip in July. So far we have 2 chairs and a bike rack that I'm carting around in my car. And this stuff to add to the fire to make it change different colors - that's my camping excitement. His is the survival kit that he's bringing. I think I like my entertaining camping thing better! We spent an evening putting together the list and figuring out what I can borrow from my mom and what he can borrow from his dad. We even planned the meals out. So we're all ready to go and just need to pick a weekend...and cut the grass at my cabin. Normally I would say that it would suck since I hate manual labor, but I have a feeling that I'll have fun doing it anyway since it's part of our camping trip. (Yes, we are camping at my cabin, which is more primitive than the nearby campgrounds, but the campgrounds don't allow alcohol.) A second camping trip to Cooks' Forest is also on the table as well along with a trip to T-Vegas with my roommate later this summer. And lastly, teaching me to drive a stick shift car since if anything ever happened on one of our trips and we're in his car, we're screwed because I can't drive stick.

So that's my update in a nutshell...lots of activities to keep busy over the summer and be happy enjoying each others company. The next steps is the meeting of the parents...but that is still in the planning process. We're better with the camping thing since he's still a little bit afraid my mom doesn't like him and I'm afraid that I'll be mad at his dad.

Another Weekend, More New Stuff

2009-05-12T12:23:00.002-04:00

I had another fun-filled weekend with my "offline guy". Friday he came with me to the opera. In the cab on the way home, he said that although he probably wouldn't go again since the opera really isn't his thing, he was happy that he was able to come with me to my first opera. Afterward, I changed and we went out to our favorite bar for a little while before meeting up with my friend, who is the PR manager of the opera, and hung out on my porch until the early morning hours.

After many hours of sleep on Saturday, when I was finally conscious again, "offline guy" and I watched a movie, went for a drive, and then spent the night in Bloomfield. I finally went to the Brillo Box, which was really cool. I loved the decor! After a couple drinks there, we headed over to his favorite Bloomfield bar and ran into some people we knew. "Offline guy" and I stayed there until it was time for the last bus back to Oakland. There was more hanging out on the porch - I added some amenities to the porch during the day Friday: an outdoor carpet, 2 glass and iron tables, and a big pot of geraniums. I now have an idyllic, urban paradise, which makes hanging out on the porch much more relaxing.

Sunday capped off the adventurous weekend with a trip to North Park. "Offline guy" and I went to the driving range and then to play miniature golf across the street. I actually did much better than I expected at the driving range. Most likely it was due to the driver that I had - it had this ugly pink paint on it so I must have made myself do well since I was already annoyed at the painted driver. However, my arm is very sore now. The miniature golf was even more fun than the driving range. The North Park course is really pretty and well landscaped. And they have a couple fountains, which always makes miniature golfing nicer. I'm a water person.

The second hole was the funniest part of the golf outing - it was a water hazard one so it had a ramp you had to hit the ball up. And you had to hit it hard enough to clear the water pit, but still land on the green on the other side. There's also a net on the other side, which caught my golf ball since it went over the water, on the green, and then bounced up. "Offline guy" went to take his turn and plop - into the water. He hit it into the water 2 more times until I suggested that he hit the ball a little harder. Then smack! The ball went up and over the water...and then hit the guardrail on the parking lot next door and started rolling through the parking lot. He ran up and got it while I sat down on the ground laughing. The look on his face was hysterical - he totally didn't expect the ball to launch into the parking lot. He tried one more time and made it over perfectly. And almost got a hole in one. Definitely the funniest moment of my weekend. It still makes me laugh.

AFter golf, we stopped at Monte Cello's to pick up a pizza for takeout and went back to my place. We watched a thing on the History Channel about the book/movie Angels and Demons and then "offline guy" went home. It was a great weekend and I had so much fun. I'm looking forward to this weekend and having more adventures with "offline guy". We're probably going to go miniature golfing again because it was just so much fun. Or bowling - that's the other thing we need to do, too. Is it Friday yet??

Lots of New Experiences

2009-05-07T12:33:00.003-04:00

"Offline guy" and I had our first night out in Bloomfield last Friday. Also known as "Bloomfield night". Technically, it was Bloomfield and Lawrenceville night but that's just a little long. He picked me up around 8:45 and we left from his place to go to Kopec's in Lawrenceville to see his friend's band play. Unfortunately, it was raining, so we walked probably about a mile and a half to Kopec's in the rain. The way down wasn't too bad so we weren't incredibly soaked. We got there at the same time as his friend, so he helped unload the van while I watched the van for the band. The bar had $1.50 16oz Pabst so we got one and went to hang out on the back deck for a little while until his friend was on.

However, "offline guy" wasn't feeling well. He and I had gone out Tuesday night for a bit, but he wasn't feeling well then. He had to keep going outside for fresh air. I thought he might have the flu (not the swine flu even though we joked about that) that had been going around. That Tuesday, we ended up hanging out on my porch and he felt much better. The rest of the week he hadn't said anything about not feeling well so I thought he was ok. But after we got to the bar Friday night, it hit him again. So we ended up hanging out on the back deck the whole night despite the rain. The first band ended and we were hoping that his friend would go on so we could watch and leave, but no - some other band went second. We ended up just leaving to walk back and "offline guy" felt bad. He really wanted to see his friend play and for us to have a Bloomfield night out. We ended up stopping in Bloomfield on the way back (soaked mind you, because it poured the entire walk) to grab some beer and we spent the rest of the night just talking on his porch. He gave me a hoodie to change into because my wet clothes were a bit chilly. All in all it was a really good time regardless, but "offline guy" promised me a better Bloomfield night soon.

He ended up coming to a party at my house the next night. I was concerned about him not feeling well after Friday and initially he didn't, but he had heard of this old Indian herb that was supposed to make him feel better and it worked, which made me happy since he was able to hang out with everyone and have fun. We went out for the hockey game for a little bit Monday night and he felt completely fine. And when he's completely fine he's able to think about the things he should be thinking about. Such as on the walk back he just randomly told me to switch sides of the sidewalk with him. I was confused and asked why - his answer was because he wanted to walk on the outside because that's what guys are supposed to do. That was very sweet and unexpected since I've walked on many sidewalks in my day, with guys, and it never really occurred to me what side I was walking on.

I am really looking forward to tomorrow night though. "Offline guy" and I are going to the opera with a friend of mine. I'm looking forward to our first "dress-up" date. He told me that he was very excited to wear his suit - I didn't even have to recommend that he wear a suit. I've had my dress, shoes, and accessories picked out for about a week now. Many people reading this are probably shocked that I'm going to the opera on a Friday night, but I think this is a totally awesome idea that should be done more often, granting that I like the opera since I've never been to one. It's nice to be excited for the actual event for once, knowing that I'm already going to enjoy the guy that I'm spending time with instead of having to meet a new guy and worry about what he's going to be like. And the best part is getting to spend time with friends, too, with "offline guy". It will definitely be an experience!! :)

Trying to Catch Up

2009-04-27T12:21:00.003-04:00

In the effort to get up to speed with the "offline guy" situation, I am going to do my best to summarize the past couple of weeks since I've been so busy. And honestly, I've just been busy because in addition to work and keeping up with life, I've spent lots of time with "offline guy".

Carnival weekend (April 16-18): "Offline guy" and I went out Wednesday night (4/15) for the Pens/Flyers playoff game. He's a Pens fan; I'm a Flyers fan. It was a fun series to watch with him. Thursday we slept in and he met up with me later at the bar near campus to meet a couple of my friends. We stopped at our Oakland bar on the way home for a game of darts and a couple drinks. While we were there, I was accosted twice by a guy that hangs out there fairly regularly. This guy can be a little angry about things, but I usually thought it was politics, religion, and sports. He walked up to me when "offline guy" was in the bathroom saying that "offline guy" and I were dating. Since we were trying to avoid all of the drama in the bar, I told the angry guy that "offline guy" and I were just friends and had been for 4 years. That went over all right the first time. But about an hour later when I was sitting at a table with "offline guy" and another friend, the angry guy came up again. Unfortunately, "offline guy" was in the bathroom (are you noticing a pattern?) and the angry guy said something about the dating thing. I repeated my previous response, expecting it to work, but it didn't. The angry guy threatened to yell some inappropriate comments in the middle of the bar, which would have completely embarrassed me. Fortunately, I managed to talk him out of it by telling him how inappropriate it was and the angry guy finally walked away. No much later, "offline guy" and I went back to hang out on my porch with a six pack.

We were up until about 4am, went to sleep, then got up for Buggy around 8:30am. He had never seen it, so we planned on going down for a bit. By the time we made it down there, it was around 10 or 10:30. We caught the last few races and met up with some of my friends. He and I went back to my house afterward and he headed home to nap and recoup. I was planning on the doing the same, but I ended up not napping. I headed over to Bloomfield to meet up with him for the hockey game that Friday night, and then we went to the Southside to see his roommate's band and then over to the bar where my friends were partying. After the party with my friends, we grabbed a six pack and a cab back to my house. I had told "offline guy" what transpired the previous night and we decided to avoid our hangout for the rest of the weekend.

Saturday was decidedly a day of sleeping after only getting 4 hours of sleep the night before. "Offline guy" eventually went back to his place and I got ready to head up to campus to meet some friends and catch the awards ceremony. "Offline guy" met up with my around 7:30 because this band he liked was supposed to be playing. However, we walked all around campus without finding them. So we went back to Midway and checked out the booths since many were shut down on Friday at about 12:30 when we had tried to check them out. We were on Midway for a little while before catching a bus to my friend's house in Point Breeze for his annual kickin' Carnival party. "Offline guy" and I hung out, he met even more of my college friends, had a couple jello shots, and played a game of beer pong. Since we had to leave to catch a bus after our beer pong game, we gave up the table and declared ourselves the undisputed beer pong champions of the night. Even though I still think that logic is rather flawed and probably resulted from the jello shots. After the party, he and I went to another bar in Oakland for a couple drinks and some darts, then back to my place.

The weekend wasn't even over yet. We got up to watch the Pens/Flyers game on Sunday - he ran home quickly and I went to the bar to save us seats. We were content thinking that the angry dude probably wouldn't be there on a Sunday. We hung out there for the game, then went to shoot pool. Pool is the only game we've played where we're pretty equal in skill. We ended up playing for awhile then went back to my place to sleep. It was definitely fun and I took him home Monday morning on the way to work. It was definitely a great weekend and it was hard to be at work after having fun with my friends all weekend and with "offline guy".

Last week, he came out on Tuesday and Thursday for the Pens/Flyers games. Tuesday we went to the bar and Thursday we stayed in - both were fun! Even more so when the Flyers won though (for me anyways.) Friday he met up with me at the bar and we hung out there for a couple hours until we headed back to my house to drink on the porch. Since it was Pitt's graduation weekend, there were tons of parties on my street - including my house where my roommate and our other friend had started a dance party. Our neighbors were also out on the porch so we continued to party it up for awhile.

Saturday was the Pens/Flyers game 6 so "offline guy" and I watched that. Afterward we headed to my friends' place in Squirrel Hill for a pre-summer get together, left for the Lawrenceville Arts Festival to hear "offline guy's" roommate's band play, back to the get-together, and down to our usual Oakland bar. We were there for a little while. Angry guy sat down next to me for a little while, but eventually moved away. Additionally, I did get a lovely surprise that I wasn't expecting - a very obvious kiss right on the lips while we were hanging out at the bar. Since "offline guy" and I had discussed keeping everything at our usual bar as under the radar as possible, there had definitely been no public displays of affection. However, that changed on Saturday and I'm waiting for the fallout from the other regular patrons that were there. Hopefully everyone else was too drunk and there were too many Pitt graduates there to continue keeping that under wraps.

So now everything's up to speed and hopefully I'll stop slacking with the posting. Especially since it's rather ironic that this blog started as an online dating guide, but I ended up with a guy that I've known for years who refused to ever get on Facebook (which of course, quickly changed.)

Lastly for technical reasons, Friday there was a discussion about the status of our situation. Here is the recap of that conversation:

He's not looking for anyone else and really misses me when we are apart. (So those text messages are 100% completely honest.)
I am not looking for anyone else and I like just about any activity much better with him around than without him around.
We are officially seeing each other and waiting to see what happens without all the pressure of rushing anything and screwing this up.

Easter Weekend with Offline Guy

2009-04-20T12:06:00.005-04:00

Since our office was closed on Good Friday, a bunch of co-workers went to happy hour. It was also a goodbye happy hour for the one guy who was starting a new job the following Monday. I invited "offline guy" since we were going to a bar that he and I both hadn't been to before. I was a bit freaked out because he was supposed to meet me there but I was running late. Fortunately, he got there after I did since I gave one of my coworkers a description of him, but she'd obviously never met him and it was very crowded.

"Offline guy" met the coworkers and seems to have passed that test. He also liked my coworkers and found them very fun and interesting - a good sign! We stayed for a couple drinks and then headed out to get some dinner. We ended up back at the bar we frequent and ended up hanging out with my roommate and some other friends. The rest of the night we hung out on the porch, enjoying an early start to the weekend.

The rest of the weekend we spent at our regular bar, hanging out and playing darts since it was pretty quiet because of the holiday. Sunday I went to my mom's house for Easter dinner and then he came over later to play NHL 06. It was fun! However, I haven't played video games in probably about 10 years, so I had to re-adjust to the new, fancy controllers. They're definitely more complicated than my old Nintendo controllers. Needless to say, I lost every NHL 06 game except one because he was trying to start a fight and not paying as much attention to defending my players. I guess that makes up for the fact that I won all of the dart games during the weekend.

Easter weekend with "offline guy" turned out to be very fun and it sucked when it had to end. However, I did have Carnival to look forward to that coming Thursday so it was a great distraction.

It Was Definitely An Interesting Night

2009-04-13T12:35:00.006-04:00

I met "med student guy" at 6:30 in Bloomfield. He was definitely flirty and we hung out for a bit. I had an ok time, but it was definitely weird hanging out with someone that I had looked forward to meeting and had such long conversations with, only to feel a little awkward around. He wasn't quite as cute as I had expected, but he had glasses and a hat on so I didn't get to see his eyes very well. He ended up heading home at 8 because he had to work overnight. He expected that I would be leaving with him, but I told him that a friend of mine (and the one bartender that "med student guy" also happened to know) was coming down later so I was going to stick around. "Med student guy" said that he wanted to hang out again and I said it would have to find out because I was pretty booked for awhile since I already had plans for the upcoming weekend with the offline guy and Carnival the weekend after, also plans that included my offline guy.

"Med student guy" was doing the same stuff as before though - saying that he had tickets for an upcoming Coldplay concert and asking that, even though it's over a month away, did I want to go with him? I tiptoed around the issue and said that I would have to see what my schedule was like. Besides, all the while that I spent hanging out with "med student guy", I was keeping watch for the door for the arrival of my offline guy. Fortunately for me, "med student guy" has gone back to his typical disappearing act. This makes it much easier for me to not have to avoid making future plans with "med student guy". It's finally done!

So I waited for my offline guy, who ended up running late because he missed one of the buses he needed to catch back from the South Hills. I stuck around talking to the bartenders and people watching. I was just about to leave when my offline guy showed up. He and I hung out for a drink at the bar I met "med student guy" in and then went to a couple other places in Bloomfield that he frequents. The first place he didn't really know anyone, but he did at the second bar. I'm glad I was dressed up from meeting "med student guy" earlier since I was definitely scrutinized by all of the people he knew at the other place that were wondering who the blonde girl was with "offline guy".

I ended up getting back home much later than expected since I ended up going to the other places with "offline guy" and having too much fun hanging out with him. But it was definitely worth it being tired the next day from hanging out with someone I enjoy spending time with.

Insert Creative, Witty, and Funny Title Here

2009-04-08T12:12:00.003-04:00

I met up with "teacher guy" last Thursday. Going into it, I was pretty ambivalent about him. We hadn't had much conversation through email or the phone, and it took weeks to finally plan a date/time/place to meet. I was right to be ambivalent - "teacher guy" wasn't much for conversation other than the following topics:

1. Coaching track this season is not fun because he doesn't have anyone exceptionally good on the team.
2. Working out is his life and he has a ridiculously strict diet that causes him to essentially eat the exact same thing everyday. (He splurged going out to dinner at Mad Mex and after eating his entire burrito, proceeded to talk about how much time he would have to spend in the gym because of it. Then don't eat the whole burrito!!)
3. His family inconveniences him on many occasions - having to watch his parents dogs or his sister's children coming over (which, by the way, he makes the kids pretty much stay in his kitchen because god forbid they touch anything. They're just kids!!)

I was happy when dinner was over and I got to go home. He said that he would give me a call and we should hang out again. I'm glad that was a lie so far and I haven't heard from him and it will hopefully remain as such.

Unlike "med student guy" who kept messaging me. In the end, I opted for choice number 3 from the previous post. Before there's an uproar as to me putting myself in that situation, it turns out that the place he suggested (because I was rather ambivalent as to where but I laid down the law as to when - no weekends and not staying out late and not on days when I already had plans) is run by a guy I met awhile ago who used to hang out at the bar I go to in Oakland. I checked with my offline guy (details on him to follow) and the guy still runs the place in Bloomfield. So it will be nice tonight if the guy I know is there because I'll definitely feel safer. I didn't tell "med student guy" that I know the guy who runs it though. I'm sure he'll figure that out if he actually shows.

However, I'm kind of hoping that "med student guy" doesn't show. When I mentioned to my offline guy that I would be there tonight, he asked if he could stop by and have a drink with me. I told him it was a meeting (I didn't say what kind) so this should be interesting. I couldn't tell him 'no'. And I'm definitely looking forward to getting to spend some time with offline guy during the week instead of just the weekend. I also mentioned to offline guy that there's a chance that the "meeting" might be canceled since it was supposed to have happened a couple months ago. So I asked if he would be on Facebook (he can't read these posts thank god!) so I could send him a message in case it was canceled. His reply was that he had some errands to run today, but that he should be home by 7.

The only reason that I'm not too concerned about my offline guy is because I've known him for years and he knows that I've been doing the online dating. He has stated that he doesn't want a relationship (but I don't know if he means something else like "not right now" or "ever") and I told him that I am looking to date someone. But I know he's not dating anyone else and we have been spending all weekend together the past 3 weekends or so. And I'll probably see him this weekend and next weekend at Carnival. He said he wanted to come with me - does he know what that entails?

So hopefully everything will work out and offline guy won't be mad. I don't think he will be. I'm also really glad he's going to be there at 9 in case "med student guy" turns out to not be who he says he is because I feel very safe with my offline guy and I trust him, which are very big things for me. I'm curious to see how this night plays out...

Follow Up: "The Nerve of Some People"

2009-03-30T12:10:00.004-04:00

I tried not to write back - I'm not interested in "med student guy" anymore after he stood me up a couple times and never really gave me any explanations. However, I couldn't resist writing him back to say that there was no reason he should be writing me after standing me up. Especially since I did write him back regarding how he could make it up to me back in February. Essentially, I told him that if he wanted to make it up to me, I would agree to meet one last time. It would have to be somewhere nice and he would have to make reservations. He never responded. Why he waited until now I don't know. And it's not like he's going to give me any answers. After many texts saying that he really did fall asleep and that he's not married and never has been, and asking repeatedly to make it up to me, I finally told him that I would think about it. I figured it was the easiest way to get out of this text conversation since I had plans Saturday evening. "Med student guy" texted me again Sunday afternoon asking again if I would give him another chance to make it up to me.

Now, there are a number of things I can do and I'm trying to figure out which would be the most fun for me:

1. Just say no. Nancy Reagan may have had it right in the 80's. This is the easiest way to go.

2. Say yes, make plans, and then not show it up. Very bitchy, but it would nice knowing (or at least hoping) that he would know what it feels like.

3. Say yes, make plans, show up, and tell him that I'm not interested anymore. This is slightly less bitchy, I think, and I would get to know what he really looks like. Then again, he could totally be lying about who he really is. I dodged a bullet with "Romanian guy" and maybe I should make sure that I don't willing walk in front of a bullet. However, I would know what he looks like for real, and then I would who to stay away from.

It's really a tough call. I'm leaning toward option #1. I'm looking for reader input on this - what would you do in my situation? I am open to other suggestions.

In other news, I'm meeting "teacher guy" on Thursday. Not sure what we're doing yet, but I'll probably recommend drinks. However, I would have gotten out of it if we hadn't been trying to make plans since prior to two weekends ago. It might be a bit wrong of me to meet "teacher guy" but I wasn't sure what to say last night to get out of it since I didn't return his call for hours as I was preoccupied. I'm sure this is considered rather scandalous since I'm meeting someone that I'm not particularly interested in and especially due to the nature of my recent preoccupation...

And that preoccupation is my new offline guy thing. For two weekends, soon to be three since we have plans to hang out this coming weekend, I have been spending time with a guy that I've known for years. I'm trying to insert a clever nickname other than "friend guy" but it's just not working. There's a whole nifty story as to how that started and what's been going on, but I'm not ready to discuss that in this forum just yet. I'm sure there's already enough gossip flying around in my offline group of friends after Saturday night that I don't need to provide any details online. These last couple of weekends have been a wonderful surprise and a wonderful time - I'm just going to go with it for now and see what happens.

Let's just say that I am happy and content right now with how things are going. That sentence is a first for this blog!

The Nerve of Some People

2009-03-28T13:44:00.001-04:00

I received a text message from "med student guy" saying "Go Pitt!" at 8:13am. Not cool. I was enjoying the tournament and not thinking about him. I never received a text message from him and don't particularly feel like starting now since I'm kind of over him.

That is all.

LET'S GO PITT!!! (besides, that is how it should be expressed:)

I'm Back!

2009-03-25T12:01:00.003-04:00

I apologize for taking the extra week off, but it was a very exhausting holiday.

So during this time, I did meet a guy from Match.com - "Steelworker guy". I actually met up with him the Wednesday evening before Parade Day. We had a very short online conversation before he up and texted me, asking if i wanted to grab a beer. I was actually on my way out, so I took a little detour and met up with him. Very cute, but not very talkative or interesting. He seemed to complain about everything - from traffic, to Pittsburgh drivers, to taking care of his dad who had some health problems. The first two I can understand, but family is family so there's no need to complain to someone you just met about the general act of taking care of your family members. I find that selfish. Regardless, after a drink he was suddenly exhausted and I was fine with leaving to meet up with my friends. I was not concerned with getting a second date with "Steelworker guy".

Also, I still received some text messages from the Romanian. I haven't received one in about a week, so that's a good sign. How long does it take for someone to get the hint? Apparently for claiming to be a doctor, he's a slow learner. I'm sure he has very high malpractice premiums.

The day after Parade Day, I decided that I would see who else was out there. So currently I am having email conversations with "Random POF guy", "Referee guy", and "Teacher guy". Sadly, none of them really excite me but I figure that I'll keep writing and see if one of them surprises me.

"Random POF guy" - I know, the nickname isn't that great. Honestly, nothing stands out and I can't really call him "Just There guy". Also, he took a couple days before writing me back and then I took a week to call him back. He emailed me a couple days ago, but I haven't responded just yet.

"Referee guy" - Works at one of the local school districts doing facilities management and also referee's high school sports. He's going to be a State Trooper - maybe he can get me out of any future speeding tickets? He can still be a ref after he's a trooper. That was my big question to him.

"Teacher guy" - Has the same fear of heights that I do. He actually lives pretty close to my mom, so I wonder if he teaches at my old high school. He's the only one I've spoken to on the phone. We've been trying to make plans to get together, but I think after I took awhile to call him, and then forgot to call at the end of last week, he's not so enchanted with me either. I spoke with him on Monday to make plans to grab a drink, but he didn't have much time to talk and he was busy all week. He's supposed to call me tomorrow evening to make plans to grab a drink or lunch this weekend, but again, I wouldn't really care if I didn't get a call.

I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with this time of year when it comes to meeting people. Honestly, I think there's something about the fall that people meet people and then make it through the summer and break up. And then they start looking again. That or the impending winter months make it more conducive to staying inside and sitting on the computer whereas now, people are trying to spend as much time as possible outside. I can't blame them though - I've been doing the same thing.

Anyways, today and Saturday are supposed to be rainy so maybe someone really interesting will be online.

Holiday Hiatus

2009-03-11T12:58:00.002-04:00

With the impending Pittsburgh holiday known as "Parade Day", the Saturday before St. Patrick's Day when Pittsburgh has a huge St. Patrick's Day parade and all of the festivities that go along with the American tradition, I will be taking a break from online dating. I will instead be focusing on spending time with my friends this weekend and next week, enjoying the best St. Patrick's Day has to offer in America (a/k/a green beer.)

Everyone have a safe and happy St. Patrick's Day holiday with whatever plans you have in Pittsburgh or elsewhere! :)

"FSN guy": the Drought Continues

2009-03-09T12:04:00.002-04:00

I met "FSN guy" at 7 in Bloomfield for dinner. I was there about 2 minutes before him. When we met up, he gave me a hug and we went to sit down. He had called to make reservations beforehand, which was a great idea for a Friday night. We had dinner and talked a lot - the conversation never died. In fact, we were so busy talking that the waiter kept coming back and we kept asking for a couple more minutes. A two minute "menu penalty" was enforced so that our waiter didn't have to come back a 4th time just to take our order.

I thought everything was going well. We stayed after dinner for another drink. Our waiter came out and asked if we could close the check since he was getting in trouble for overtime. So "FSN guy" paid the bill and we planned to hang out longer. Just around 9, karaoke started in the bar. Neither of us can stand karaoke, so we decided to leave. I mentioned going somewhere else to keep talking and he agreed. When we got outside he wanted to drop off his food in his car. Still under the assumption that we were going somewhere else, I walked with him. I also didn't feel like standing on a street corner by myself.

It was a good thing since once we got to the car and he put his food in, all of a sudden he said that he had to go. Apparently he received a text message and had a "friend emergency" that he needed to take care of. According to him, one friend was drunk and another friend was mad at the drunk friend. He said he might text me later and maybe send over any good pictures or video if there were any good ones. I told him that I would text my real email over instead of the POF email that we had been using. But we stood in the parking lot talking for 10 minutes or so and he gave me a hug goodbye.

Of course, I haven't heard anything back. And while the date seemed to have gone well, apparently it didn't. The mixed signals threw me off - the goodbye hug at the same time he was engaging in, what my friend referred to as, the "classic dodge" to get out of continuing the date. Even though I enjoyed talking to him and I was having a good time on the date, I'm ok with it being just a first date. However, I expected much more honesty out of "FSN guy".

Is It Friday Night Yet?

2009-03-05T12:23:00.003-05:00

After another hour-long conversation last night with "FSN guy", a conversation that seemed to just fly by with tons of great conversation, we have plans to meet after 5 days of talking. He has Friday and Saturday off and we both have plans for Saturday night, so Friday was the best bet. I asked him what he wanted to do and his suggestion was dinner and drinks. I said that I was up for that, even though I think dinner can be a big commitment for meeting someone for the first time. However, it worked well with "CMU guy" back in August and we didn't have nearly as much to talk about at first. "FSN guy" and I, on the other hand, already have a couple of stories that were too long for phone conversation and, as he put it, required drinks.

It was also fun, too, before we talked on the phone last night that we were texting while watching our basketball games. Pitt was playing Marquette at home and WVU (his team) played DePaul. Both of us won, so we were in a good mood. "FSN guy" and I talked about the possibility of a Pitt/WVU game in either the Big East or the NCAA tournament. "FSN guy" suggested a wager on the game. Initially if WVU won, he was going to have me wear a bunch of WVU gear and take a picture. That would be awful even though I think Pitt will win and I won't have to worry about it. So I said that he would have to wear my Pitt basketball jersey while I video taped him singing Pitt's Alma Mater. Then I would upload it to YouTube and optimize it with some great search phrases. There would also be a link on Facebook and MySpace for all of my friends to enjoy. "FSN guy" said he now has to consult his WVU friends for something a little bit better to match mine. I'm good! My only request was that it didn't involve any couch fires.

Tomorrow should be interesting and I'm actually not too nervous. We already have too much to talk about. And we figured out where we are going for dinner and what time. We both had a list of 3 and had the same restaurant on our respective lists, so that's the one we're going to. I guess we'll have to see what happens tomorrow night! I just want to fast forward to that point so I can know if it was a good idea to fall off the wagon last Sunday.

I Fell Off the Wagon

2009-03-04T11:37:00.003-05:00

I was completely going to take a break from the online dating for awhile. Just a bit of a recovery period from the last two mishaps with the Romanian and "med student guy". But alas, I fell off the wagon and am back to talking to guys online again.

It started innocently enough. I had received some emails through Match.com and Plentyoffish.com so I went online to write back that I wasn't interested in meeting anyone right now. And I did write that - to the guys who weren't cute and who met my criteria (height, children, etc.) There was one on each site that had contacted me, were cute, and met the initial requirements. So I winked back at the one on Match.com and wrote back to the guy on Plentyoffish.com.

The Match.com guy, now known as "coworker guy" since he previously worked with some friends of mine and also knows one of my former coworkers (he is not one of my coworkers though, so don't get confused), apparently doesn't pay for Match anymore or really just enjoys tracking people down through social media. Because he friend requested me on Facebook. However, it's easier to find me through Match.com because of the username mistake that I made when I initially signed up. So we've been talking for a bit - he does some web design work and I asked him if his site was SEO-friendly. However, I haven't found the click yet. I'll continue to pleasantly write back though because he seems like a pretty nice guy.

The Plentyoffish.com guy works during the day as an Executive Recruiter, plays hockey in the evening, and then plays solo acoustic "gigs" at night. I'm going to call him "rock star guy" since he actually plays music onstage. In front of people. That and it's just cool to say. He and I sent a couple emails back and forth on Sunday and Monday. However, I haven't heard back from him. He seems like he might not be a big email person. That and he's super busy. He seems nice enough, but it may take forever to get to know him and I am not doing the whole "talk over email and phone for a month then make plans to meet that never happen" thing again.

While I was on POF, I decided to do some window shopping. So I checked out some profiles and there were a couple guys who met the requirements that I placed on my favorites list with the intention of writing to them in the near future. I really was trying to stay on the wagon. But then "Peters Twp guy" (because he lives there) and "FSN guy" (because he works for FSN Pittsburgh producing Pens and Pirates games) wrote to me. I wrote them back Sunday evening. That officially made me fall off of the "no online dating" wagon. Yes, bad Kristy.

"FSN guy" and I wrote some emails back and forth Sunday evening and Monday. His Tuesday morning email asked for my number because we had quite a bit to talk about over email. We talked about Pittsburgh, museums, sports, work, family, and the online dating thing. And most importantly, "FSN guy" is willing to provide 2 forms of photo id, a list of references, and go through any sort of application process I put forward. He definitely gets my sense of humor so far! Bonus points for him.

We decided that we had to meet. After a "phone interview" though. Because you have to talk over the phone at least once, even if it's to setup the time to meet. He called last night and we talked for about 40 minutes and it was a good conversation. I didn't even realize the we talked for 40 minutes - I thought it was only 15 or 20. And we're definitely going to meet up probably either Friday or Saturday since he's off both days and I have plans through Thursday. So I'm excited to meet him, but not expecting a second date yet because of the bad luck thing.

Today Was Supposed to be the Day

2009-02-28T13:19:00.003-05:00

It's been a long week. And today is thankfully the end of the long week. Today was supposed to be the day that I met the Romanian for dinner in the Southside. I was so excited for my dinner date after weeks of talking to the Romanian. Monday night I went shopping with a friend to find the perfect first date outfit - and I did find the perfect first date shirt. It was cream colored and rather elegant, but not overly dressy.

Tuesday night I went out with some friends to celebrate Mardi Gras. I was having a great time even though the Romanian had sent some pretty weird text messages. "Super Bowl guy" was out with his friends and I was hoping to get to talk to him, too, because we had talked the Saturday before, but I was too stupid to realize that he was flirting. He ended up leaving that night and I immediately after realized my mistake. I thought that "Super Bowl guy" may have been upset with me for being completely ignorant of his advances because Tuesday night around 11pm, he went to leave with his friends. I stopped him to ask if he would be in later in the week (I was hoping for Friday) and he said, with a highly irritated tone, that he didn't know. As he walked out the door, I was slightly put off by his short tone, but wasn't too concerned as I thought about my upcoming date on Saturday with the Romanian.

However, not even a half hour later, I start getting text messages from the Romanian. He was being weird again, tell me that he wasn't my "husband (slave)" even though I hadn't text messaged him in awhile. Pitt had lost the basketball game to Providence that night and the Romanian said that Pitt didn't deserve a 20th ranking and neither did I. I was trying to figure out what was wrong with him and why he was being such a jerk over text message. He never really explained, but when I asked him if we were still going to go to dinner, he replied, "Sure. But I hope you know that I'm 48 and not white." 48??? He told me he was 28. The picture he had looked like a 28 year old, so obviously that was not his picture. I was devastated. I couldn't, and still can't, understand why he would have lied about that. He did say that loneliness makes people do crazy things and that he was just a lonely doc[tor]. No fucking kidding! Lying to people is not going to make them want to be involved with you. And by the way, he told me he only had a master's degree and was a lab manager. yet another lie. I texted back to him Tuesday night asking him not to speak to me ever again. I was offended and done with the Romanian. He did have the nerve Wednesday night to text me and ask me how I had been. I wrote back and said "What part of 'you lied to me and I never want to speak to you again' did you not understand? Apparently all of it. Bye." Fortunately I have not heard anything from him. Let's hope he gets the point faster than "med student guy" did.

I ended up spending the next day in bed, mostly sleeping, but I did eat a whole ton of Chinese food as well as watch a movie and some crappy TV shows and commercials. I felt, and still a little bit, awful. Especially when "Super Bowl guy" was out on Thursday as I was reestablishing my fabulousness and he didn't even look at me. I should have gone to talk to him but after his tone Tuesday night, I didn't really have the guts to do it. I might have to take a bit of a break from online dating for now after "med student guy" and "Romanian guy" and the fact that now I have to struggle to get a first date. I thought it was bad enough never getting a second one! Thank god for a friend's birthday and having another friend in town so I have fun, happy things to do tonight so I don't think about the fact that I am supposed to be having dinner with someone I thought was 28 year old lab manager with only a master's degree.

Do You Want the Good News or the Bad News First?

2009-02-18T12:15:00.002-05:00

I'll start with the bad news because everyone always starts with the good news.

Bad News:
Don't you know that I checked my email this morning before I left for work, only to find that "med student guy" emailed me again? This is what he said:

"Kristy,
I miss talking with you babe. I know you dont believe me but I really didnt mean to stand you up babe. I honestly fell asleep. But anyways, Just wanted to say hi.
Paul"

I really have nothing to say to that. Estimated time of response: when hell freezes over. I also decidedly left his (supposedly) real first name in just in case anyone runs into a 2nd year med student named Paul who's approximately 6'3" so you will know to be careful around him because he's shady or at least ask if he's the guy that likes to meet women online, string them along for a month, and then stand them up.

Good News:
So I was very excited to talk to "Romanian guy" last night. We started talking online around 6:45 and then got on the phone around 7:30. We spent the next 3 hours talking and we also have a date to meet. Saturday Feb 28th. We're going to dinner and drinks afterward if dinner goes well. He seems very sweet and it's definitely adorable when he gets very surprised or excited over things we take for granted, such as finding restaurants on Google or rice cookers. However, I apparently have to try some lamb when we go to dinner. That should be interesting since it's outside of my "I eat very plain food" boundaries. The only downside is that I have to wait a whole week and a half to meet him. This is going to be a long week and a half. Hopefully though, no more bad news between now and then.

Things to Keep Me Occupied While I Wait

2009-02-17T12:03:00.005-05:00

I know that I don't have any patience. So in order to pass the time, and as I mentioned in my previous post - hedge my bets, I have been talking to "Romanian guy". He seems pretty nice and I totally dig the accent! We finally spoke on the phone yesterday and I found out his real name. Apparently when he and his parents moved here 8 years ago, they decided to Americanize their names. They really Americanized them! It was one of the first questions I asked because he really had a plain American name for someone who claimed to have spent the first 20 years of his life in Romania. I like his real name better - it's very cool! I'm looking forward to talking to him again soon, which may happen tonight since he has sent me a couple text messages.

However, there are 2 things that are making me nervous. First, I haven't heard from "PhD coffee guy" even though he had logged into Match.com yesterday. I was hoping he logged on to get my phone number, but I didn't get a call yesterday. I just don't want to end up expecting the second date but coming to the realization that he was only being polite when we met last Thursday because he wasn't interested and didn't want to hurt my feelings. I am just asking for some honesty.

The other thing making me nervous is that anytime I ask "Romanian guy" when we're going to meet in person, the only response I receive is "soon". I am not going to spend another month talking to someone who ends up just stringing me along. It's not a pleasant feeling and I don't feel like going through that again. I fear shades of "med student guy".

Let's hope this week goes well with something positive coming from either "PhD coffee guy" or "Romanian guy".

Now That Valentine's Day is Over...

2009-02-16T12:43:00.002-05:00

...I will begin the wait for my email from "PhD coffee guy". I figured that he wouldn't get in touch with my until after this weekend because of Valentine's Day. So I started my watch for "PhD coffee guy's" email or phone call. Nothing yet, but it's only been 24 hours. However, I did Match.com stalk him to see if he had been online to see what my chances were of getting my second date. He hasn't been on since we met so chances look good!

The rest of my online dating time this weekend was writing people to tell them I was waiting to see what happened with "PhD coffee guy". Of course, these were just new people and not people I have already spoken to as I want to hedge my bet. I'm trying to do the polite thing, but I'm starting to get tired of emailing. Especially on Plentyoffish.com! Every time I login when someone writes me to write back that I'm waiting to see what happens with "PhD coffee guy", I get another 5 emails from people who are currently online in my area and see my picture on the banner showing people who logged recent activity. It's been a vicious circle.

"Romanian guy" and I finally spoke online as did "Ohio doctor guy". I think "Ohio doctor guy" might not have been interested after our conversation Saturday, but that's ok since I'm holding out for "PhD coffee guy" and because, well, he lives in Ohio. "Romanian guy" and I will talk some more, but there just seems to be something off so I'm really holding back. It's probably just going to end up being IM conversations.

Let's hope "PhD coffee guy" gets a hold of me soon. I hate the waiting part and I really want the second date with him!

So Many Men...So Little Time...But Probably a Second Date

2009-02-13T12:04:00.002-05:00

After the debacle of last week, I have kept my expectations low. I continued to email "Ohio doctor guy" and "Ohio commuter guy". I also did get a response from "Russian PhD guy" and I wrote him back. "Ohio doctor guy" asked if we could IM because he wasn't big on writing emails on the Plentyoffish.com site and he wanted to talk in real time. Additionally, he said that he's only working part time now since he just graduated med school and missed the residency matching. Honestly, it sounds rather fishy to me.

There is also "Romanian guy". I had actually received an email from him the week leading up to the Super Bowl while I was waiting to meet "Med student guy". I did write him back to "Romanian guy" but during Super Bowl weekend things became rather hectic and I wasn't able to get back to him until the Tuesday after the game. When I didn't hear from him I assumed he had met someone else. However, he emailed me last Tuesday or Wednesday that he had just been too busy to get online and that he had gotten my IM request.

So now both "Romanian guy" and "Ohio doctor guy" are trying to pin me down on instant messenger. However, while they were leaving me IMs last night, I was out meeting "PhD coffee guy". Turns out that "PhD coffee guy" is much cuter in person than his picture! And he's going for a PhD in Physics and Math at Pitt. He also seemed like he was very modest and sweet, not arrogant like some of the guys I have met, such as "Nuclear engineer guy".

Since "PhD coffee guy" and I hadn't really had much email conversation prior to meeting, we did have some awkward moments. He also seems to be a bit more like me as he was occasionally prone to having a quiet moment where he was listening but also thinking. It was also funny that we went to a coffee shop and were both drinking tea. And he was there before me so it was definitely not just him being polite and drinking what I was. He had also picked a nice little tab in the corner - when I first walked into the coffee shop I didn't see him and there was a moment where I there was a just a little thought of "what if he doesn't show up?" that went through my head since I was about 5 minutes late and I didn't see him. Stupid "Med student guy" trying to screw up my head...thank goodness it didn't work!

At the end of the evening after we talked about the usual getting-to-know-you questions and discussion as well as 2 cups of tea, it was time to head out since he had work to do for today. Then it got really awkward. I was having a hard time gauging his reactions. There were many moments where he was smiling and probably just as many when he wasn't. After the first cup of tea I wasn't sure if he wanted to stay or not, so I checked the time and asked. He was up for another cup of tea and he went to get the second round. We put on our coats, picked up our empty cups, and headed towards the door. It seemed to be a lot of looking out of the corner of my eye to see if he was ready and trying to decide if he wanted me to wait for him to walk out. So I just waited and we went outside. I found the best way to break the awkwardness by telling him that I had a really nice time. He said, "Thanks" and that he had a great time, too. He also asked if he could email me or call to ask me out to lunch or to grab a drink. I said that I would definitely like that. He walked me to my car, which was also on the way back to his office since he was going to do some more work tonight, and smiled back at me as he walked away.

So I'm back in a position I've been in more times than I care to remember....waiting for the phone call or the email. I do think that it will happen. At first I was concerned with all of the awkwardness that he had just said that as his response to the awkwardness. But as I thought about it, and I have had this confirmed through others who thought the same thing, unprompted by me - it was too specific of him to ask about lunch or a drink that I am pretty sure that I will finally get my second date. Barring any random incidents of major injury, ex-girlfriends, or magically lost cell phones that is.

It's Time to Get Back On the Internet

2009-02-10T12:35:00.003-05:00

I have to take pride in the fact that I will conveniently forget things. Maybe this is what they call "repressing" memories, but whatever. I'm going to roll with whatever works.

I had winked at a bunch of people and received some responses already. One guy from Plentyoffish.com emailed me on Saturday, so I wrote him back. "Ohio commuter guy" lives in Ohio but works in Robinson. He likes roller coasters. Don't know much more about him really.

Then there is the other Ohioan. He just emailed me today on Plentyoffish.com. "Ohio doctor guy" makes me nervous after "med student guy" - I'm afraid it's "med student guy" under another guise. The emails could be rather similar to "med student guy". Short, doesn't really answer questions...there's misspellings, too. But some differences. I'm going to continue being wary about this one. Besides, he lives in Youngstown. I'll probably never meet him. Especially since it seems to be "med student guy" again.

Now on to Match.com, that's where I did most of my man searching. The two responses I received from there were both from guys getting their PhD's. I just don't know what they're going to school for yet. We'll call the one "PhD coffee guy" and the other "Russian PhD guy".

So "PhD coffee guy" doesn't have much on his profile, but he does mention going for coffee if interested. I did wink at him and he did respond. He gave me some more info that he likes to read a lot and watches some sports (probably not nearly as much as me.) So I figured I might as well just jump on in and meet him for coffee and see if we have anything in common. I'm afraid he's not much of a communicator as evidenced by the bare bones Match.com profile. He should read my post on profile writing. Right now the plan is to meet for coffee Thursday. I suggested the Starbucks in Oakland because I'm lazy and don't want to go far, but I might have to start getting away from the Oakland stuff since I don't want these people close to my home turf. I'll keep everyone posted regarding "PhD coffee guy" to let you know whether we have anything in common at all. It's a maybe.

"Russian PhD guy" is also going for his PhD. I'm assuming he's getting it in Russian right now since he's fluent in Russian and has done a good portion of his research in Moscow. He's from the south so he bakes pies and likes bourbon. He seems fairly cool and normal. I had winked at him but he wrote me first. I replied yesterday evening so I'm just waiting to hear back from him. Hopefully he'll write back soon.

Looking at the post above, I feel like I'm being just a bit jaded. Possibly. I don't know if the sting of Friday has really worn off, but I definitely can't sit around being whiny about some creepy douchebag who stood me up. I need to have a new boy to obsess over then I'll be fine. "Super Bowl guy" has been on my mind, but I have no idea when I'll see him next and again, I have reservations about him anyway but I am keeping him as an option. At least I've met him in person and I know for sure that he's attractive, smart, with a great sense of humor! Maybe "Super Bowl guy" can be my reach goal.

As If Online Dating Hasn't Already Traumatized Me Enough...

2009-02-09T12:15:00.003-05:00

I've hit a whole new low in online dating with finding a new creature - the guy who likes to string women along with no intention of ever meeting them. Apparently they get off on knowing that we're sitting somewhere waiting for them and being upset.

Friday night the phone rang and I knew it was "med student guy". I was waiting for the cancellation, but he just asked if we could move it back to 9pm. I was fine with that so I went out for a couple drinks with friends before heading over to meet him at the bar we had picked out 2 1/2 weeks before when he had to cancel. So I got there a little early to get situated and waited. And waited...and waited. I called at 9:15pm to see if he had gotten lost but no answer. I didn't receive any response and by 9:45pm I gave in to the fact that I had been stood. The only benefit was a free beer and shot from my friends who were working that night. I went back over to where some of my other friends were hanging out to hopefully salvage something out of the night. It was pretty futile though as I was upset after weeks of build-up.

I woke up Saturday morning, rather depressed that I had been stood up, and emailed him through the Plentyoffish.com site. I wrote him around 9:30am with the subject line "You stood me up" with the body of the message consisting of "What the f*ck?" I then went back to bed as I was just emotionally exhausted. He wrote back around 9:45am to tell me that he was sincerely sorry, had fallen asleep, and totally understood if I never wanted to speak to him again. When I got up again around 10:45am, I received the message and went to write back, but noticed that his username was not showing up. I investigated what happened and it turns out that he deleted his account 10 minutes after he sent me his excuse as to why he stood me up.

Of course through this whole ordeal I had been updating my Facebook status and was completely embarrassed when my boss called Saturday morning as he was heading out for his week skiing in Aspen to make sure I was ok. I was heading to Costco, trying to do anything I could to get my mind off of "med student guy" since that was over now. I just didn't even want to talk about it. My boss and I both had the same idea that "med student guy" was, in reality, some weird online person who does this to lots of people.

The last thing I need to get through is tonight since "med student guy" had asked me to go to the Pitt/WVU basketball game, which I was really looking forward to. At least I can take solace in the fact that I'm not getting stood up tonight while waiting in front of the Pete with thousands of basketball fans heading to the game. That would have been more embarrassing than Friday.

So over the weekend I've worked very hard to get passed this. I winked at a bunch of guys on Match.com and 2 of them have written back. One already asked if I wanted to get coffee sometime this week. So I will write these guys back and see what happens. There is an offline prospect, "Super Bowl guy", but I think it's a very long shot based on our conversation - he had gotten out of a long term relationship and I was talking to someone else that I was really into (until he stood me up last Friday anyways). I had noticed "Super Bowl guy" a couple months prior to the game, but hadn't really had a chance to really converse with him until that night. Regardless, I'm not taking anything very seriously at this point in order to keep myself protected from another weekend like this. Especially since I'll be dealing with more pain come Friday and Saturday with Valentine's Day. I will spend a lot of time cursing at every Valentine's Day commercial on TV. However, I do hope something positive will pan out of the train wreck formerly known as "med student guy" with either "Super Bowl guy" or one of the new online prospects.

How to Handle Emails Through Your Dating Site

2009-02-08T12:18:00.002-05:00

I'm going to take a break from the drama of "med student guy" for a moment to discuss the issue with emailing with others through an online dating site.

Most sites (Match.com, Eharmony.com, and PlentyofFish.com for sure) have some sort of way to let someone know that you've seen their profile and you're interested. Match.com has "winks", Eharmony.com has "icebreakers", and PlentyofFish.com has an option for you to add someone as a "favorite".

Once you get past this initial interest, or if you are very interested in someone and want to cut to the chase, then you can either IM or email them. Most people tend to email first. IMs we can cover in another issue.

With email you have the ability to think about what you want to say and also check for tone. It's also a comfortable method of communication as most people utilize email for their jobs and personal life.

However, sometimes taking the chance at emailing someone you would like to get to know better doesn't always end with a return email. Oftentimes, the object of your interest won't email back. This occurs for a number of reasons:

1. They looked at your profile and don't think that based on your preliminary information that you are compatible.
2. They checked out your picture and don't think you're attractive in return.
3. They either just met someone and want to see how things go or they are involved in a relationship now but their profile is still up regardless of whether or not they pay for it. (Apparently Match.com leaves your profile up and if someone emails or winks and your subscription is up, you need to pay again to respond.)

Now, I don't take it personally if someone doesn't write back. In fact, I find that it's actually a good thing to not waste my time or excitement if you're not interested or are seeing someone else. However, I just discovered the other day that there are some people who take the lack of a response very personally and actually take out their aggression on you.

Picture this: PlentyofFish.com, a guy I don't particularly find attractive and how lives in West Virginia (not even the same state as me!) sends me an email. I'm currently only using PlentyofFish.com to email "med student guy" since he doesn't use his Gmail anymore. Obviously at that time, I wasn't interested in meeting anyone else and definitely not some dude in West Virginia. A few days later I guess this random guy noticed that I had been online recently but had not yet answered his email. Instead of considering one of the four reasons listed above, he fires off this message to me telling me that I was rude and at least he didn't judge me by my picture.

Obviously, this guy has some serious self-esteem issues. My self-esteem issues aren't even that bad!! So I wrote back, annoyed, to tell him that he did judge me by my picture if he's assuming that I'm just a snobby bitch. I said that he was the one who was rude, emailing like he did when he didn't know me. Additionally, I said that if he knew me, he would know that I've only been using PlentyofFish.com to email one guy in particular and no one else. I ended the email with "Good luck" and hit send. While it sucks that not everyone you find attractive and interesting doesn't always think the same about you, there is no reason to act inappropriately and fly off of the handle.

So if you are trying this online dating thing, please remember to not commit such an unacceptable use of the email function like West Virginia guy. You're not going to win over any hearts that way!

So Today is the Day

2009-02-06T12:00:00.002-05:00

The day that I meet "med student guy". I cannot wait until 8pm! I am nervous that he'll cancel again. Yesterday he emailed me that he was going to be hanging out with some friends in Oakland.

Through our email conversation yesterday evening, we had discussed having him and his friends come hang out with me and my friends. "Med student guy" was supposed to call me and let me know either way, but he never did. That's one of my biggest pet peeves. I live my life around remembering to call people at specific times, and when someone else can't remember to call (and this isn't the first time) it's rather annoying to me.

I went to bed unsure of whether we're really going to meet tonight or not. I know that around 6:30 when he called two weeks ago to cancel I'll be exceptionally anxious. Most likely, the anxiousness will last from 6:30 until he shows up. I'm still rather positive about it though - I have had butterflies all day yesterday and today!

"Med student guy" did email me today. He was greatly concerned about the incident with the firemen (I had to call them last night. Turned out to just be an issue with a dusty smoke detector.) I put his mind at ease that I was safe, in one piece, and not char-broiled. He said that he had a good time last night with friends he hadn't seen in awhile and that we were still on for tonight. Actually, he quoted the Mannings vs. Williams' commercial that it was "on like donkey kong!"

Let's hope "med student guy" comes through for me this time!

It's On!! For Now...

2009-02-04T11:36:00.003-05:00

I texted "med student guy" last night when I found out that girls' poker night was canceled. I hadn't heard anything from him by quarter after 7, so I decided to put in a movie. The post-Super Bowl exhaustion set in halfway through the movie and I fell asleep. It was the weirdest thing - I woke up, realized the movie was over, sat up, and the phone rang. It was "med student guy". I answered and we were talking for awhile.

Neither of us really remembered talking to each other Sunday night amidst all of the celebrating (apparently he was being supportive of his Steelers fan friends so he was celebrating.) So we covered our celebrating and where we had gone to watch the game. He told me that DeJuan Blair (phenomenal Pitt basketball player that he says he's friends with) was in the parade as he was invited by Charlie Batch. He also told me about the incident on the elevator on Monday when he had an errand downtown and was getting harassed by Steelers fans because he was wearing his Cowboys coat. I can't believe he owns a Cowboys coat...

"Med student guy" said he was feeling better, but still having a hard time getting around to get to class, get errands done, and get to physical therapy. I made mention of us finally getting to meet and he asked what I was doing Friday. I don't think I have any plans (if anyone is reading this and we do have plans, let me know - I'm going to have to apologize and reschedule, but then again if you're reading this then you'll understand why.) So Friday it is! Not long after though, he asked if he could call be in 10 minutes because he wanted to go get a drink, and never called back. I hate that - I'm always afraid that he's fallen down and hurt himself.

Friday - take two. I'm really hoping that this Friday he doesn't call me as I'm getting dressed again and reschedule. I won't be able to take it if he does. And unless he reschedules for Saturday or Sunday, then I'm not going to the basketball game on Monday. I was asked earlier today why I wouldn't, because it sounds like a great first date. I have to meet him before we go to the game. Aside from the general pressure of meeting someone that I'm really interested in, there is the pressure of being at the game where we can't really talk because I'll be into the game. Maybe we'll hang out afterward, but if we don't click in person like we do talking through various other forms, then I'm that girl who just used him for basketball tickets. And potentially really great basketball tickets. On top of that, if the seats are really great seats, then I'm already going to feel like I'm on the spot since everyone in the arena is looking towards the court and I will hopefully be very close to the court. I know - I have created too much pressure myself. I can't help it...overactive imagination. I'm keeping that in check in other ways so I think you should give me this one.

Regardless, I am really hoping that this time Friday will work out. And that Monday, if not before, I will finally have a second date with someone that I really like.

The Longest Week Ever

2009-02-02T13:31:00.003-05:00

It has been the longest week that I've had in awhile. I didn't get to talk to "med student guy" very much. He found out at the doctor's on Monday afternoon that his surgery would be on Thursday. So "med student guy" was busy getting everything in place with school, work, and volunteering prior to surgery.

Of course I had to try to persuade him to meet up Tuesday or Wednesday before the surgery, despite the impending winter storm. But I was unsuccessful. The only day that I got to talk to him at all was Tuesday.

From Thursday morning on, I was constantly checking my email and phone to see if there was any word from "med student guy". I didn't hear anything until Saturday. So we're back to email. And he called after the Steelers won last night to make sure that I was safe and having fun. Hopefully I'll get a call from him tonight and maybe we'll finally be able to nail down a time to meet and he won't have anymore freak accidents!

My Anticipation Increases Daily

2009-01-26T12:26:00.002-05:00

I spent a good portion of the weekend talking to "Med student guy" - online, on the phone...just not in person yet. He went back to the hospital Saturday afternoon and it turns out that he had an infection where they gave him the injection of cortisone. According to a scientist friend of mine, this is fairly common. The hospital gave "Med student guy" antibiotics and his knee has been doing much better. He said that his knee isn't red anymore and the swelling has started going down. Today will be a good test since he was planning on going to class today. Fortunately, he only missed Friday classes so he won't be too far behind.

Talking to him last night, he is just as excited to meet me in person as I am to meet him. The anticipation increased even more last night as a second date has already been planned for the Pitt/WVU basketball game in 2 weeks. "Med student guy" said that he was going to get tickets and asked if I would like to go with him. Without any hesitation I answered, "yes!" This is really a big risk since what if we meet and he doesn't look like his picture or we don't click in person like we do now. I have a pretty good feeling that it will work out fine, but it really is a big risk to plan a second date before we've even had the first.

At least he and I agree on college sports. New revelations from weekend conversation:

1. I'm a Flyers fan; he's a Pens fan
2. He is a Cowboys fan, but not a Steelers fan. In fact, according to "Med student guy", the Steelers are his 31st favorite team.

The first one I can handle, the second one is going to be tough! How can he have grown up in Pittsburgh and not even have the Steelers in his top 3 teams??? I was devastated when he said he was going to root for the Cardinals. I was considering asking him to come to watch the Super Bowl with me, but I'm afraid that I won't be able to deal with his un-fandom. That and it makes me nervous as the last Cowboys fan that I met ended up never calling me again. And I said I would learn from that experience that Cowboys fans are no good. And what are we going to do for 6 months out of the year when I'm watching football and cheering for the Steelers. It will be very complicated. I'm sure a compromise may be reached, except that the Eagles are my third favorite team and they're in the same division as the Cowboys.

At this point though, I need to just finally meet "Med student guy". I'm hoping I'll have a better idea of when we'll get to meet tonight after he sees how the day at school goes.

The Downside of Any Online Dating Site

2009-01-25T14:15:00.001-05:00

Sometimes you come across people that unexpectedly find you online outside of the dating site. For instance, I made the mistake of having my Match.com username as the first initial of my first name and my last name. Which is rather dumb since I have a very unique last name. So it's fairly easy to Google me or find me on MySpace or Facebook.

Me being the giant brain I am had a great thought when signing up for Plentyoffish.com (POF). I thought, "I know! I'll pick a username that doesn't include my last name." Unfortunately, I stopped thinking after that and used the same username as I have for my AOL Instant Messenger. Yeah, great idea.

I was talking to "Med student guy" two Fridays ago on IM and a message popped up on AIM (AOL Instant Messenger) from this guy who had put me on his favorites list on POF. Being polite I answered the message from this guy that I will refer to as "Way too young guy". He first asked if I was the same person from POF with the username. I made the mistake of answering "yes" to that question.

He then proceeds to ask me how strict I was on my age restrictions (on POF you can post the age range of men that you're looking for.) I told him I was pretty strict and then asked how old he was. He responded with "18 but I'll be 19 in two months." That immediately put me into shock and somewhat offended me at the same time. If you hadn't guessed by reading this blog, I'm 30. I'm almost twice as old as "Way too young guy"! The conversation continued to me telling him that he was definitely too young for me and him saying that he's always dated older women because they are usually hotter, sweeter, and much more mature than the girls his age. No shit we're more mature - we're adults! We're not teenagers anymore!

I insisted that he keeps looking for girls his age because there are girls that are mature and just as beautiful as those of us who are almost twice his age. Unfortunately, I think he's trying to wear me down because he keeps sending me IM's saying "hi" and trying to start conversation. Poor kid doesn't realize how stubborn I am. And he doesn't realize how gross it is that he's still a teenager and trying to hook up with women who are out of college. "Way too young guy" doesn't even go to college - this is probably why he's not meeting mature women. He's probably still has friends in high school!

So important lessons learned:
1. Stay very strict with those age limits. They're there for a reason.
2. Always respect people age restrictions. So if you're 50 and I'm 30, looking for someone between the ages of 27 and 35, don't message me.
3. Never use a username that you have on an instant message application.
4. Never use a username that allows people to Google you or track you down through social media sites.
5. If you do accidentally have a username that allows people to find you, always tell them that you're not the person from the online dating site and pretend to be offended (or if you are offended, no need to pretend - just act as such) that they would think that. Especially since you're engaged. Sometimes you just have to lie.

My Bad Luck Continues

2009-01-24T14:02:00.002-05:00

When "Med student guy" called me Thursday night, I asked how his basketball game went. The answer was not good. While his team won, he left just before the half when he came down with a rebound and hurt his knee. He was hoping for just a sprain as the initial x-rays from Thursday night showed no pieces of the bone had broken off. However, after his MRI yesterday, it turns out that he tore his ACL. So he's been on crutches with a leg immobilizer since going to the ER.

My first thought when he said that he may have torn his ACL was that we weren't going to get to meet Friday. However, he insisted that he would be able to make it, even if it was only for an hour or two. "Med student guy" even insisted that we go to the initial venue that we agreed upon, despite the fact that he would have to go down a flight of stairs that aren't the easiest to navigate when you're not injured.

So I got home last night, took a shower, and started getting ready. I was just getting ready to head out to have a drink with my friends before meeting him when he called. "Med student guy" felt really bad and must have apologized ten times about canceling. His knee was so swollen that he wasn't able to bend it at all, let alone get the leg immobilizer on. However, he did admit that he was going to show up without the crutches and the brace - men and their egos! He admitted that he was stubborn, an important first step in getting him to at least use one or the other when we reschedule.

Apparently the shot of cortisone that they gave him after the MRI yesterday morning made his knee worse. He had told me that when he tore his shoulder years ago, they had given him a shot of cortisone then, too, and it made his shoulder worse as well (it's funny - he actually told me about that last Monday before he blew out his knee.) When they gave it to him with his shoulder, he thought that the doctor messed up the shot since it was his primary care physician and not an orthopedic specialist. However, I think that he has some sort of allergic reaction to cortisone, which sucks since he's going to have lots of pain after surgery and rehab.

I was definitely upset that I wasn't going to meet him last night since I'm obsessed with talking to him and I want to see if we click as well in person as we do over IM/phone. Hopefully the swelling will go down soon and we'll get to meet since he's made it clear that it will take a lot for him not to come out and meet me. As evidenced by last night, being unable to move is pretty much the only thing that will stop him. However, I do find it funny that I'm not the only one with bad luck - he has it, too! At least this time my bad luck isn't as bad...it's just delaying me from meeting "Med student guy". I think we'll meet as soon as that swelling goes down. At least it's cold outside again - maybe that will help alleviate the swelling some more.

As for "Law student guy", I was talking to him yesterday as well. However, I was rather annoyed at his pretentiousness. It's so annoying that I don't even really want to add it to this post because I don't want to have to re-read the conversation. Essentially the gist of our discussion yesterday ended with him smoking 3 $30 cigars a year - one of New Years, one of the 4th of July, and one TBD. He also drinks super-premium gin, according to the online research I've done as well as his description as the "good gin". Apparently I drink crappy gin since Bombay Sapphire is so "terrible".

I don't know - I think I would still like my gin more than Tanqueray No. 10 even if I tried it. Just on general principle at this point. And of course, all beer is crappy according to him. If he does drink beer, he apparently drinks Rolling Rock. I used to love Rolling Rock...back before I knew much at all about beer. I like Rolling Rock because it was from close to Pittsburgh and it had a green logo. Seriously - I like the green logo, green cans, and green bottles.

After being barraged with comments aimed to make me feel like I don't know anything about high end drinks, I was trying to figure out what it was about my profile that he actually liked. He doesn't like the sports that I do, this whole "high end drinking/expensive cigar smoking" lifestyle, he doesn't really know or like any of the music I listen to since it's not jazz or techno...it should have been obviously clear in my profile that I am not a snobby, pretentious person - why would I want to date a snobby and pretentious person? It was rather disappointing after that conversation and I'm not looking forward to talking to him at all. Why couldn't "Law student guy" have torn his ACL instead of "Med student guy"? Oh wait - my bad luck!

Friday Night - Date Night

2009-01-22T11:53:00.003-05:00

I have been talking to both "Med student guy" and "Law student guy" all week. "Law student guy" continues to be sporadic and cryptic. For as long as we've been exchanging IMs, I know very little about him. He also is still working on getting that car fixed as much as I know, so who knows if I will ever meet him.

On the other hand, I know a lot about "Med student guy" and he actually provides me with details about his life. I know where he grew up and he told me about his family, even the tough things. We also talk about our friends, sports, the fact that he only sleeps 4 hours a night, what we do when we're hanging out with our friends, that in addition to work and class he volunteers at a burn unit at one of the local hospitals, and experiences that we've had - both that day or in the past.

I've become rather obsessed with talking to him. I actually took my lunch a little early today in order to post this blog because I usually email him on my lunch hour. If I start talking to him over email, I won't be able to stop. I spent 2 hours on the phone with him last night from 11:15pm to 1:15am until I realized what time it was. During our Tuesday evening conversation, I decided that I absolutely had to meet him. So we made plans to meet on Friday. After talking to him, I decided that I was ok with him knowing one of my lesser hangouts so we're meeting there. If things go well, he might even get to go to my normal hangout. The potential is good that he looks like his pictures since he said that they were from his vacation last summer.

I just hope that my bad luck doesn't rear it's ugly head tomorrow. That's my biggest fear - after all of our conversations and the uncountable number of times that he has said how much he really "digs" me, that the ever elusive second date will remain elusive. While he has been very vocal about how awesome and beautiful he thinks I am, I have definitely held back. I, of course, told him how much I enjoy talking to him and which of his pictures on POF (Plentyoffish.com) I like the best. I even told him I was counting down to tomorrow night and he responded that he was as well He the told me how was time remained.

However, I feel that I'm trying to be as guarded as I can right now since I haven't had any success in previous months. I don't to fall into the trap of being upset if we meet and then he doesn't call me back. "Med student guy" seems so nice and down to earth, as well as being sensitive and strong at the same time. If he turns out to be really cute, then he could be the perfect man. And if so, I'm going to be really upset if it turns out to be only another first date. I think I would be more comfortable if he had a flaw or something that I was concerned about. Unfortunately, the closest I can get is his accent (it's almost this bizarre combination of yinzer, urban, and southern - maybe it's just him growing up in the Hill District through middle school) but I kind of like the accent and I would always be able to recognize him on the phone without caller ID.

Let's hope all goes well! I am tired of writing about talking to all of these different guys and going on first dates, and then repeating the process. I'm really in the mood to expand my writing past this vicious circle of meeting people and move on to the next steps. So come 9pm tomorrow, keep your fingers crossed for me that everything goes well!

A Good Date (or Two) Might Be on the Way Soon

2009-01-17T18:31:00.003-05:00

"Law student guy" finally reemerged. He IM'd me on Thursday evening and we were talking for awhile on Thursday and Friday. Unfortunately, we didn't get to meet this afternoon, but it was due to car issues. His car fought nature (a/k/a a deer) and lost. So while he's waiting for a buddy of his to fix it for cheap, he's stranded in State College. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for next Saturday so I can finally meet him.

After signing on to Plentyoffish.com, I have received a lot of emails. I'm rather surprised at the amount of traffic on that site! And the bonus of it being free can't be matched by Match. On Wednesday, I received an email from this guy who said that he liked my profile and thought that I was very attractive in my pictures. We started writing back and forth and I found out that he's 32 and currently a second year med student at Pitt. He also works part time as a Orthopedic Implant Specialist at one of the local hospitals. "Med student guy" and I have been writing a lot. 3 messages Wednesday, 2 Thursday, and 8 on Friday. Also on Friday he installed GTalk, so he and I got to chat.

He's been to many places and volunteers with the Red Cross. He told me stories about a few of his experiences in Israel during last Christmastime. One of them was very sad, but the others were rather nice. And he converses much more than "Law student guy", which is really nice. I feel like I know a little more about "Med student guy" in the past few days than I do about "Law student guy" who I have been talking to for a few weeks.

My current plan now is to meet both of them and see what happens. I'm essentially mitigating my risk in case one of them doesn't think I'm cute when we meet in person. However, if you read this blog regularly, you know that I obviously have very bad luck. So it may play out as follows:

1. Neither thinks I'm cute in person and I'm back to square one.
2. They both like me and I think they're both cute and we get along great, then I will eventually have to choose. And I'll have to be very careful when making plans not to double book as I'm getting to know them.

I'm hoping that it will work out well with one of them and I'll finally have the ever-elusive second date. We will have to see.

It's Already Been a Long Week

2009-01-14T12:10:00.003-05:00

Because I'm waiting to see what happens with "Law school guy" and the plans that we're supposed to have Saturday afternoon, the week has decided to drag along. I still haven't received more than 10 words from "Law school guy". Yesterday I said 'hi' in the morning, but I received a "hey - gotta go to class".

Now, I understand the amount of work that law school requires as I didn't see one of my best friends for almost 3 years, even though she lived in Pittsburgh. However, he has time to be on Match.com. I know - I've been on there to close out non-cute or too-short guys who wink at me. For all I know, maybe he's doing the same thing, but I just have a bad feeling about this. And I'm usually spot on with my gut instincts and men.

Yesterday I was getting to the end of my patience with the silence and I decided that I was taking it out of my hands. It's "Law student guy's" responsibility now. I sent him an IM that said, "hey - give me a call when you're not in class or doing schoolwork so we can talk for a bit." I was expecting nothing in return, especially since I switched my Gtalk status to busy. However, I get a message back that said "ok no worries." Now, despite my overthinking, this could be a glimmer of hope that I'm just going insane due to too many months of online dating. Maybe the translation of this is "Don't worry - I'll call you. I really am just busy with school." That or it's just a trained response and he has no intention of talking to me again.

In my frustration yesterday, I signed up for PlentyOfFish.com. I heard from a couple other friends who tried Match.com with little success that I should try this site, too. However, another friend of mine who has done some online dating site research mentioned to me that this was a site for people looking to hookup. So it's a lot like Match.com, but it's free! However, I did select all of the options to eliminate the sexual predators so let's hope it works. I wish there was a way to filter out messages from people outside of my age range and also the ones with kids.

Especially people with kids. I have been on this site for less than 24 hours and have received 10 messages so far and roughly the same number of IM requests. But most of these are people with kids. There are more people that are divorced with kids on this site than on Match. I guess they're saving for their kids' college tuition by trying the free online dating site. However, the upside is that there are more tall guys compared to Match. We'll have to see how this compares.

In the meantime, can it be Saturday so I can find out what the deal is with "Law student guy"??

Difficulties of Getting to Know Someone Through Gtalk

2009-01-12T12:21:00.003-05:00

So I spent all day Saturday, well from 11am until 8pm, talking to "Law Student guy". It felt like I was doing most of the talking, but I obviously enjoyed talking to him while he was getting snowed in at school. I was at home getting iced in, which kept me from my possible last minute plan of going to meet him.

Sunday I woke up and was looking forward to talking to him all day again. We were talking for awhile through most of the Eagles/Giants game. However, we did get into a discussion because he doesn't think that football is a hard sport. I think he actually said as much in the 2 hours of this discussion than he did all the previous week. His argument was that although football is entertaining, it's not hard. Especially compared to cycling and rugby.

Now, I think all three sports are tough...any sport is tough. But it seemed like he was trying to convince me that NFL players are overpaid pussies. I don't agree with that and there wasn't anything he could say to convince me otherwise. After a couple hours, I said that we needed to agree to disagree about the level of athleticism required in football. As someone who is preparing to argue for a living, he seemed to want to continue. I'm really not big on arguing over Gtalk with someone I haven't even met yet. On top of that, football is my favorite sport and I'm not ever going to admit that it's not tough if I don't agree with it.

However, following that discussion, I haven't really heard from him. School did start back up on Friday, but he didn't seem to have a problem talking all day Saturday and the first half of Sunday. He keeps saying that he'll be right back, then disappears for hours. He's said he's been reading, but I know he was also on Match.com because I went to his profile to check out some of the info he had (in regard to cycling) and he was on Match. Or I'd at least expect him to say "hey - I have a bunch of reading for class. I'll say hi when I'm done if you're still online."

I figure that I'll see how things go this week and if we meet on Saturday like we had talked about last Saturday. I'm not going to be surprised if he doesn't IM me again or meet up with me Saturday because I feel like he's blowing me off. It could be that I was just spoiled last week since he was still on break for most of the week, which I'm hoping. I just think it's odd that it went from someone who immediately sent me an IM the second he got online if I was online or vice versa. Now he gets online and doesn't message me. When I went to message him, we spoke for about a minute and then he'd do the "be right back" thing. It's just better for me to be prepared since I'm getting the feeling of being blown off. My instincts have been spot on so far as I've been doing this online dating, so I'm going to have to go with my instincts and hope to be pleasantly surprised.

New Year, New People, New Situations

2009-01-08T12:08:00.002-05:00

It's been an entertaining week! At first I freaked out a bit when "SEO guy" found my blog. Fortunately he did write that he thought it was good read. He also provided some advice and I may have to enlist his help to get this blog moved from Blogger.com to the URL I purchased a few months back - 30-and-single.com. It also works out because he's seeing someone and we decided to be friends. Therefore he will have technical information that I don't know and I don't have to hide the blog from him since he's in it. It's not fair if you write about someone and they know what you think and feel about the situation. Essentially it's like being able to read minds. Since I haven't perfected that skill yet, no one should get to have that power. So I changed the Facebook Notes settings to allow friends of friends to read the blog, but not everyone on Facebook like I previously had set.

However, there was a giant flaw in this plan. "Law student guy" (a/k/a Ricky Bobby for JR) friend requested me on Facebook last night. I immediately went into the settings having decided that if need be, I would stop importing the blog to Facebook. Fortunately, I discovered that you can make exceptions as to specific friends. So he won't be reading what I have to write about him.

With that said, "Law student guy" wrote me a couple more times on Monday, trying to catch me online. Eventually we traded our Gmail addresses so we could chat over GTalk. We've been chatting back and forth a lot. Monday and Wednesday we had great conversations but Tuesday he was pretty busy so there wasn't much chatting. The downside, he's going to law school at Penn State. Aside from the fact that I am not a fan of Penn State, it's also not in Pittsburgh. He says he comes home every weekend, break, and summer, it's still a whole lot of time of him not being in Pittsburgh. "Law student guy" plans to become a DA after law school in order to be involved in the community.

Apparently it's not the first time he's done community work. "Law student guy" said that he spent a year working with inner city kids in Philadelphia after getting his Master's degree from Temple. So he's also good at dodging bullets, which can prepare him for DA jobs in the following cities: Philadelphia, Detroit, Baltimore, Gary, and Compton. He's also had an in-depth discussion about economics with some drug dealers in Philly. The drug dealers apparently follow and have a good understanding of economic theory in their line of business. That's rather fascinating and I am going to have to hear more details of this story.

Tonight I'm looking forward to talking to him on the phone. I'm interested to see how the phone interaction works. I'm terrible on the phone, but I'll manage. The downside is that he's currently on his way back up to State College (a/k/a Evil Land) to get his books and start reading before classes start again on Monday. Maybe I'll get to meet him next week since tonight and tomorrow are out and I mentioned Saturday, but I'm not sure if he's available. I'm not too stressed though because so far, he really seems to like me. It's kind of adorable. However, I am keeping in mind that "Beaver county guy" seemed to really like me when we were text messaging and talking on the phone and we all saw how last Saturday turned out.

While I'm just getting to know "Law student guy", with my luck things will work out with him since he's not in Pittsburgh. Even though this is just speculation, if it does work out, I will be 100% convinced that there's something in the water in this city, which would explain why it's so tough to be single in Pittsburgh. Then I will have to publish this theory and go on a book tour. My life is borderline ridiculous as it is - I wouldn't be surprised if that happened.

I'm In The Game For a Minute...Then I Get Benched. Again.

2009-01-05T12:37:00.003-05:00

I met up with "Beaver county guy" Saturday night, looking incredibly cute. We had a few drinks and watched the end of the Arizona/Atlanta game and then watched the Indy/San Diego game. (The games I'm referring to were the NFL Wildcard games from last Saturday.)

I thought it started ok initially. He was cute - looked a little bit like Kevin James, just not so chubby, and conversation came easily. However, it started feeling weird towards end, such as when he all of a sudden became tired and was ready to go home immediately after the football game. He actually seemed a little put off because it went into overtime. So I met up with my friends afterward and texted him during the Miami/Baltimore game the next day (again, NFL Wildcard for you non-football people out there.) There were a couple text messages exchanged before he finally owned up to the fact that he didn't think there was any chemistry between us and he asked me not to be mad.

Honestly, I wasn't mad at all. I still wanted to meet the "British guy" and I'm trying to get beyond irrational emotions from someone that I barely know. That's for my own emotional protection. At least he didn't do what "Nuclear engineer guy" did to me. I told "Beaver county guy" that I appreciated the honesty, thanked him for letting me know, and wished him good luck.

The only thing that I'm mad about is the fact that if I wouldn't have texted him a couple times about the Miami/Baltimore game, he may never have said anything to me. It's really the one thing that I request is honesty. Men need to stop being afraid to just say that they're not interested. I don't know what kind of crazy chicks they have dated in the past that scarred them so much that they think that it's appropriate to just not call. Men need to get over it. Women need men to be honest when they're not interested and when they are because it would work out better in the end for all of us.

Here's an example as to why honestly in a necessity - a guy doesn't call you for one of two reasons:
1. He's not interested.
2. He's interested but afraid of rejection.

So either way, no phone call. Then we have to call and I have actually had men who weren't interested make plans with me and just not show up. At least one time the guy did cancel the plans, but it's really crappy to be stood up waiting in a public place. As a result of that, I didn't call the next guy and later found out that the guy was waiting for me to call because he was afraid that I wasn't interested. Make up your minds! If we can't have an addendum added to the man manual stipulating whether "no call" means "interested" or "not interested", can you just call or text us to let us know? It would really be appreciated. You can even make it simple and just say "interested" or "not interested" and I can get the conversation moving from there.

By the way, texting provides a great way to say you're not interested without having to take the chance that we'll be angry and yell at you. Especially since we can take a minute and think without being put on the spot.

Moving forward, I am hoping to hear from "British guy". He mentioned the possibility of getting together after the first of the year, but he didn't write back after last week. I expected an email over the weekend, but maybe he saw the additional pictures that I uploaded and decided that he didn't think I was pretty. If that was the case, again, it would have been nice to get an email that says either "interested" or "not interested". Until I am convinced that men have learned how to be honest with me, which will probably be about the time Satan gets into a snowball fight, I have decided to hedge my bets.

There was a cute law student who winked at me about a week ago. So I winked back. I already got an email from him so I wrote him back at the beginning of my lunch break today and I will, for the time being, call him "Law school guy". It's appropriate. Also, I winked at an additional 44 men yesterday evening. I have gotten a couple guys who said that they weren't interested as I did receive the automated email. I am very proud of those men for letting me know because I can quickly remove them from the compiled list of prospects on Match.com. I did also hear back from "SEO guy". This guy was actually impressed that I do SEO/SEM for a living. He's a computer programmer and does some SEO on the side. He actually wrote me through Facebook since his membership expired. We've already emailed back and forth a couple times last night until it was time for me to go to bed. So I also responded to him earlier in my lunch break.

Let's hope that I can get more in the way of honesty moving forward since it's a new year.

Getting Back Into the Game

2009-01-03T13:10:00.002-05:00

So I haven't heard anything from "British guy" but I did keep receiving emails from "Beaver county guy". The emails were always nice and entertaining, so I continued emailing during the week. "Beaver county guy" gave me his number and on New Years Day, I decided to send him a text wishing him a Happy New Year. That then led to a text message conversation that led throughout the day as I hung out with my friends and watched all of the bowl games.

He had been mentioning in his emails early in the week and then again during out text conversation about meeting soon. So I gave in Thursday evening and agreed to meet. He had to work Friday as well as Saturday since he had 8 days off for Christmas, so we're going to meet tonight. I picked a place on the Southside because I don't particularly care for leaving the city on the weekends.

Now I'm in the process of getting ready. I'm almost done with my nails, I'll probably eat around 4:30 so that I can take a shower afterward, my outfit is already picked out, chose my shoes (my new Pumas - obviously), and I'll do my makeup, check the bus schedule, and take off. The other bonus is that if I'm close by home and it turns out that there isn't any chemistry, I can take off early and use the "I have to catch this bus" as an excuse. I doubt I'll have to do that - I have a good feeling about tonight. Let's hope that I'm right!

Merry Christmas to Me

2008-12-29T12:08:00.002-05:00

Last Christmas Eve, I received two emails. A response from "British guy" and a new email from "Beaver county guy". I haven't heard anything from "Picky guy" since he sent me an email saying that he was busy with family stuff and making the job decision and hasn't been online. He's been online - it says so in his Match.com profile. If he gets in touch that's cool, if not then I might have dodged a bullet (a/k/a another engineer.)

"Beaver county guy" actually wrote to me first on Christmas Eve. I had sent him an email a few weeks previously - I believe it was the same time that I came across "British guy's" profile. Apparently "Beaver county guy" had let his membership to Match.com expire but he signed up for another month to read my email after he saw my profile. That was flattering. I actually had emailed him instead of just winking at him initially because I really identified with a lot of the stuff he had in his profile. So I wrote him back on Christmas Eve and received a response on Saturday. I responded to that email last night and this morning there was an email from him in my inbox.

However, I have been talking to "British guy" longer and am really looking forward to meeting him in person. I waited until Friday to write back to him since I always wrote back so quickly. I figured it was best to wait a couple days. He did ask me for more pictures, which I couldn't attach and now they are added to my profile. Fortunately there were some good recent pictures of me that I was able to upload so hopefully he'll think they're good, too. I did forget to wish him a Happy Boxing Day, but maybe that's best. I don't want him thinking that I'm some giant Anglophile (which I am) who is more concerned with his accent than his personality (which I'm not.) We continued our talk about sports, holiday plans, people we have met in our offline worlds, and work. "British guy" did put it out there that maybe after the New Year is over and things aren't so crazy with short work weeks that maybe we should get together.

Is it Thursday yet?!?! Can it be after the New Year now? I would really like to meet this guy and see what happens. Also, too, because if things go well, I'll have to figure out what to do with "Beaver county guy" because I don't want to date two people at once. And if things don't go well, then I would like to still be talking to "Beaver county guy". I'm also trying to keep this as a first in first out operations process. Seeing as how I've been talking to "British guy" longer than "Beaver county guy", I think it's only fair to meet "British guy" first and see how that goes. However, "Beaver county guy" responds much faster and mentioned in his most recent email that he is better with his wit and sarcasm face to face, so I have a feeling that he would be more apt to schedule a time to meet before "British guy" does. I think my best bet is to meet "British guy" first, see what happens, and if "Beaver county guy" wants to get together, I will have to say that I'm really busy early in January and try to schedule something for later in the month.

So the process continues of the email discussions and me stalking my inbox, waiting to hear back from "British guy" and "Beaver county guy".

Continuing With My Online Communication

2008-12-17T13:04:00.003-05:00

It's been a crazy week of writing emails or IMs and waiting...then repeat. Here are my updates:

"Picky guy" and I had a lovely IM conversation Tuesday night after I got back from the last girls' poker night of the year. In fact, I was up until 1am talking to him. And then he wasn't online the rest of the week. He finally wrote to me on Saturday, saying that he hadn't been online the rest of the week as he had been spending time with family and doing a lot of thinking in regard to making decisions about his career and potential job opportunities. "Picky guy" said that he would drop me a line when he had time. So I've been waiting since then. He was online Monday evening, but never sent me a message. I didn't want to IM him in case he was busy, so I am just waiting for him to get in touch with me.

I've also been emailing the "British guy". We've been having great email conversations talking about where he lived, his job, Bulgaria, sports, and a whole bunch of other things. It's definitely fascinating talking to someone who is from and lived in Europe. Of course, knowing me I'll get myself into trouble - foreigners are tricky! I did give him my number in the last email so we'll see if he calls. I said I wasn't opposed to continuing our email conversation if he was ready for the phone stage. However, I'm rather hoping that he calls. I would like to meet him and see if I'm really interested. And I would like to do that before the New Year, since I will have to renew my Match.com subscription towards the end of January.

I was trying to get the 6 months free since I'm still ridiculously single. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that I hadn't hit all of the email limits during a couple of months because I was only emailing people who wrote me or people that I was really interested in. I don't think it's cool to email someone that you're not interested in just to hit that limit. Oh well. At least I'm not going to waste anymore money on eHarmony. That site is a piece of shit. I met one guy who was short. That was it. Everyone else I saw on their were either not attractive, not interested in me, or not interesting period. Or they were from other states or countries! It is 100% a waste of money and I do not recommend it.

Moving On To New Prospects

2008-12-07T20:54:00.003-05:00

In the attempts to keep my hopes up that there is someone that I will have a second date with, I have been very active on Match this weekend. That and my internet is working, allowing me to get online.

I wrote back to "Suburban guy" but I haven't heard anything since last Wednesday. He wrote back pretty quickly previously, but maybe that line where I said that I don't trust anyone who doesn't like football was a bit too much for him to handle. That's ok though. He's short and lives far away.

But I have gotten some responses this weekend. An email from the "British guy" I winked at last weekend, winks from "San Diego guy" and "Faux-hawk guy", and an instant message from "Picky guy" this evening that led to a 2 hour conversation over IM. "Picky guy" lives a bit far away and initially I was skeptical since he didn't have a picture on Match. I started talking to him on AIM and he sent over a picture. Very good looking - he looked a little bit like Leonardo DiCaprio in the one picture. I asked him why he wouldn't put a picture up, especially since he's attractive. His response was that he had a picture up in the past and got a lot of interest from people who weren't interested in him for the right reasons. He actually dated a girl for 2 years that he met on Match so that's a positive sign that he's looking for a relationship and not a quick hook up.

"Picky guy's" profile has a lot of details about what he's looking for in his profile and if I had been doing a search, I wouldn't have winked since he has no picture and all these requirements. For instance, he wants someone with their own place, minimal debt, neat freak, and his ideal match is someone who is a successful designer. I have a roommate, some credit card debt that I will probably be paying off for a long time, I can be lazy and not clean for days, and I'm in marketing. He also loves living way out in the suburbs (I don't even really consider it suburbs since he's almost all the way out in Natrona Heights, which is a very long drive) and doesn't like the city. I plan on being in the city until I have kids and I want to raise them somewhere where they have a big yard to play in and good schools. "Picky guy" also went to WVU and although my undergrad is CMU, my MBA and a bunch of my friends went to Pitt, so I follow the Pitt sports hardcore. So we are college sports rivals.

I definitely think it was cool that he contacted me and we had a good 2 hour conversation. It would be nice to meet someone where there is a possibility of dating. And he's 6'5", which is much better than the hordes of 5'7" or 5'8" tall guys on the online dating scene. The only downside will be if I end up liking him and it's not reciprocated. I have zero ability to protect my feelings when I like someone and I'm really tired of getting my hopes up and then getting hurt. It's starting to get annoying. We'll have to see what happens - I'm going to try to not get my hopes up too much.

And the Phone Never Rang

2008-12-04T12:06:00.002-05:00

There was no second date with "Nuclear engineer guy" and there's not going to be. He hasn't called, I was a bit depressed about it, and now it's 13 days since the first date. I know it's a bit ridiculous to be depressed about someone I only met once, but in this crazy world of online dating, attractive, smart guys that I click with are few and far between. Many friends have vocalized their confusion regarding the lack of a phone call after what was a fantastic date where I ended up meeting his coworkers. Unfortunately, I don't have any answers to that question since "Nuclear engineer guy", despite being 32, also lied about being honest if he wasn't interested since there has been no word.

And of course he has been online within 3 days, probably picking out his next target to have a great date with and never call. Not to be a bitch about it, but I hope he meets up with a crazy girl (again) who annoys the shit out of him when he doesn't call. He does deserve that. And a Cowboys loss to the Steelers on Sunday. I should have known better than to trust a Cowboys fan - what was I thinking?

So again I get to start all over...meeting guys that I'm not interested in or attracted to. And attraction is necessary for me. If I am going to meet someone online, they have to be attractive if I'm going to want to see them again. If I have to meet men this way in my 30s, I want the whole package. And I'm sure most readers will agree that I deserve the whole package after over 4 1/2 years of crap.

So after taking a week off in the hope that "Nuclear engineer guy" would call, I gave up and got back on Match and eHarmony. There's really not much out there and apparently Match wants me to date someone who is 5'9". All of my daily matches for the past 2 days have been 5'9". Is it really out of line to ask for at least a 6'0" tall guy? Really!?!

What was even worse was coming home last night, checking the Match email that runs and algorithm that sends back potential matches, and seeing "Nuclear engineer guy" on it. That was just another one of those cruel little jokes that Match likes to play on me. "Here's one! Oh, wait, no. You already struck out with that one. So here's a completely unattractive guy for you!" Stupid technology.

Even though I feel pretty beaten down and I don't really want to go out on another date for awhile, I got back online. I responded to an email from a guy that I had written back to because I was waiting to meet "Nuclear engineer guy" and then waiting for him to call. I also started taking to another guy, but he's unfortunately 5'8" and lives way out in the suburbs. I am against the suburbs, especially as far out as "Suburban guy" is. I have to take 2 highways to even get to the exit. Maybe that's why I started talking to him, knowing that I probably won't ever meet him. I've also gone back to hating all happy couples on some level because I've been single for almost half of a decade with very few dates. That's a long time. I've been on more dates now so I guess I shouldn't complain. But I'm going to...obviously.

If anyone knows of a cute, single guy - feel free to pass him along. Online dating is just as shitty as offline, so I might as well suffer in both arenas.

Waiting on the Second Date

2008-11-24T12:34:00.003-05:00

So after all of the excitement Saturday for "Nuclear engineer" guy to meet my friends, it didn't happen. When I called in the evening as the time approached for my friends Thanksgiving dinner party, the phone went straight to voicemail. I was a little disappointed because I really like "Nuclear engineer" guy but I wasn't mad about it. I'm sure something had to have happened for his phone not to be on and for him to not cancel plans. His phone was also still off when I tried calling Sunday evening, which is odd since we had talked about work and having to be accessible 24 hours a day. I did send him a message through Match.com to see if everything was ok since that's the only other way I know of to get a hold of him. But I am definitely keeping positive since he seemed really into me and there were many indicators throughout the evening for future dates - and dates plural and not just a second one.

I've come up with some theories for the disappearance of "Nuclear engineer" guy this weekend:

1. He was really sick all day after being drunk on Friday. I think he was probably drunker than he usually gets on weekends, so this is a definite possibility that he was sick the rest of the weekend.
2. He left his phone in his friend's car after his friend picked us up on the Southside. However, he didn't mention losing his cell phone when I drove him to his car Saturday afternoon. But he was really hungover so maybe he didn't realize it.
3. Something bad happened - maybe he got into an accident because he was so hungover. I'm really hoping this isn't the case.
4. He turned off his phone and doesn't plan on responding back to me because he's either embarrassed because he was drunk on Friday (which I would hope not because we've all been really drunk around someone we just met and liked before even though it wasn't planned) or I did or said something the next day that changed his mind. I would hope this isn't the case though because he really seemed to like me and be interested in dating me.

Also, following up concern: he thinks that I was mad about Saturday and will now not call me. I would also hope this isn't the case.

He and I spoke a number of times last Monday and on our date on Friday about being honest and not playing games, so I would think that he will respond back at some point. I would just like to hear from him soon and have it be something other than he changed his mind about dating me. I really enjoyed spending time with him and I would like to see him again. So I will stay positive for a few more days (if by this weekend I have not received any word from him, I will probably be upset) and think about what a wonderful time I had last Friday night.

6th Time is a Charm?

2008-11-22T10:09:00.005-05:00

I met "Nuclear engineer" guy last night on the Southside for drinks. I was definitely nervous and excited since I really liked talking to him through email and on the phone. I was pleasantly surprised that he looked just like his pictures. He really is very attractive...and not too pretty for me like I originally posted. We hung out at the Lava Lounge drinking whiskey for awhile until I felt the need to switch to beer. I didn't want to get really drunk since I really liked him.

We almost sang karaoke - even though I always refuse, it sounded like fun. But by the time we sifted through the tons of shitty music available in the book, karaoke ended. The 80's night music started not long after so we were enjoying that. I was pretty sure he liked me since there was definitely flirting going on. There was definite real discussion about his work, my work, and how we felt about a number of topics - and we were totally on the same page about what we felt about a lot of things. Things like politics, dating, Pittsburgh, religion, the country, overall social issues. I also thought it was completely adorable when he looked at me at one point and said, "do you know if we have kids, they are going to be really smart." I agree with that statement and if it was a line, it totally worked! But from our first encounter, I don't think it was a line.

We stayed at the Lava Lounge until around 11 when we headed over to his coworker's apartment on the Southside to go to a party they were having. So he really is a nuclear engineer. I met the coworkers - they were all really nice. We stayed until 1am when I called a cab. However, cabs apparently were rare on the Southside last night since aside from the fact we were on the Southside, it was also Light Up Night downtown. Which is an excuse to get drunk in the city for many people. Seeing as how the last bus back to Oakland is around 1am I think, we were pretty much stuck. We waited around for about an hour waiting for the cab that never showed up. Luckily, his friend was able to come pick us up. We would have driven but "Nuclear engineer" guy was a bit drunk - maybe I made him nervous? He did apologize quite a few times, but I've been the drunk person in similar situations before so it wasn't a big deal.

So "Nuclear engineer" guy's car is still sitting on the Southside. Me being me, I offered to take him back down to get it this morning and then we're hanging out this evening. We had talked about going out later tonight if neither of us thought the other sucked, so that's the plan. A friend of mine is having a Thanksgiving dinner party and he's coming as my date. I'm really looking forward to him meeting my friends! Finally, a good date that will have a second good date!!

Getting Back to Online Dating

2008-11-19T12:23:00.005-05:00

I had to take approximately a month hiatus from online dating. Between a couple crazy football and beer filled weekends and moving to my new place, I haven't had the time or the Internet in order to really search for my next date.

I was emailing this guy from eHarmony who works in the family business designing signs for a while - "Design guy". Of course the move hindered any steady communication. Also, he has terrible spelling and grammar, which is a HUGE turnoff. I understand some typos, but it was one giant block of text any way too many instances where the proper tense was not used. I'm sure my grammatically correct friends' heads would have exploded reading these emails. He seemed nice enough, but I appreciate the effort to at least separate paragraphs with a line if you can't use the Tab key (email programs through web browsers - you can't use the tab key. Hence writing as I do with block paragraphs.) I might respond to his last email though because he seems like a nice guy.

I also checked out some Match profiles when I had some internet time. There were two guys in particular that I winked at. "New Attorney guy" and "Nuclear Engineer guy". I liked both of their profiles so I winked at both and both started writing me. "New Attorney guy" responded much faster so we exchanged a few emails and then started texting early last week. We had a bit in common and the text exchanges seemed positive. I met him last week and he was fairly attractive and very nice. However, I don't quite feel the chemistry. I did kiss him at the end of the night, but then again, that's not necessarily a definite second date since I have kissed many boys just once in my past and I don't always have an attachment after once kiss (contrary to popular belief.)

I believe I mentioned "Nuclear Engineer guy" previously - in his pictures he looks like he could be way too pretty. But I definitely find his pictures attractive. Unfortunately, this has been a long process because he had a lot of on-site business trips so communication was sporadic. We exchanged 2 emails and then he asked for my number in the third email. Of course I gave it to him and we spoke on the phone last Monday. We were making plans and I mentioned that I was busy Saturday with a friend's early Thanksgiving dinner party and then my friend's bar that has fried turkey. "Nuclear Engineer guy" apparently loves fried turkey (he told me) and I told him about the annual Thanksgiving dinner at the bar. I told him I would invite him but we had discussed in our emails meeting on neutral ground and since my friends would be at the bar, it wouldn't be neutral. He asked if my friends were mean to which I responded, "Not at all. In fact they're really nice!"

So we made plans to meet this Friday night somewhere neutral for a couple drinks. He said, "Well, when me meet if you don't suck and I don't suck, then maybe we can hang out on Saturday night, too." I agreed to that, so hopefully we won't think the other sucks. I did ask him to tell me if he's not interested and that I would tell him the same. He seemed to like the fact that I'm all about being honest and not playing games. So I'm definitely excited to meet him and see what happens.

So for right now, I am hoping for good things with "Nuclear Engineer guy" and putting "New Attorney guy" on hold pending Friday's results. If things don't go well I will probably give "New Attorney guy" a second chance and see if it's just me being skittish since I've never actually had a second date from Match. I'm also going to keep writing "Design guy" and this other guy "SEM guy" that I've been emailing on Match, too.

This online dating thing is getting exhausting so let's hope Friday goes well and I hangout with "Nuclear Engineer guy" on Saturday, too.

Follow Up Regarding "CMU guy"

2008-11-19T12:18:00.003-05:00

Actually, things are still good with his girlfriend (previously ex-girlfriend). It's good to hear though and we're going to keep in touch and be friends.

However, I really hope we're never Facebook friends since these notes import to my feed. Or I may just stop importing the notes if that happens. I doubt he would appreciate reading about himself as "CMU guy" and any initial feelings of anger and upsetness (yes, I am making that a word) that I had when he informed me that they got back together.

Here's a topic to discuss - social media: tasty treat or recipe for disaster?

Getting Back Together With an Ex = Bad Idea

2008-11-06T13:10:00.004-05:00

Since I still don't have the internet, I used my lunch time to run a quick search on Match.com. I was going through pages of men and I came across "CMU guy" and he was active 2 weeks ago.

If you don't remember, "CMU guy" and I had a wonderful date and were going to have a second date until he got back together with his ex. So I totally wrote him a message on Match (I still have his number and maybe his personal email but I didn't want to put myself too much out there). I just said that I came across his profile, noticed he had been on a couple weeks ago, and said to drop a line if he would like to hang out again.

It would definitely be nice to hear from him - even if he's dating someone new I wouldn't mind being friends with him. Our date was a few months ago so I wouldn't be completely offended if it would just be friends.

This is why sex with the ex, as JN says, is a bad idea.

Online Dating Without the Internet?

2008-11-05T16:39:00.004-05:00

Unfortunately I am out of commission in a way - I moved and there is no internet at home. Hopefully Saturday that will be corrected...I'll just need to figure out how to setup a network.

I stopped at my old place to finish up some things and grab the last of the big stuff, so I figured I would hop online and catch up with my messages while I had a chance. No responses yet. I emailed a one guy from eHarmony recently, but I am still waiting to hear back. I also received a wink and a message from a really cute guy on Match.com. Actually, I think this guy is too pretty - I might have an issue with that if I do end up meeting him and he really looks like his picture. But I of course wrote him back so now I'm waiting on that response, too. If I do hear back from him, I promise to come up with a better nickname for him than "Pretty guy", because that's just kinda of lame.

The only online dating aggravation that I encountered during my brief time on the internet was the "Who's Viewed Me" tab on the eHarmony page. This tab supposedly tells you who has looked at your profile and on what day for the past 2 weeks. I think this tab is broken. 2 days ago a guy named Guy looked at my profile - that could be true. But this tab is saying the 6 days ago, "Utah guy" looked at my profile. I highly doubt that "Utah guy" would look at my profile since we never went out a second time and he, in fact, canceled the plans to hang out a second time and never rescheduled. So I think I should email eHarmony to fix that tab because I would prefer an accurate record of who checked out my profile.

So I will post the update as soon as I have something to update...and when I have the internet...and after a long weekend of football. So hopefully sometime next week.

Creativity at its Finest

2008-10-29T12:51:00.003-04:00

Every week Match.com sends me these emails with pictures (if available) and links to 12 guys that, based on their algorithm, match my profile. Every week I scan through the email, notice at least 2 guys that have been in previous emails, and never click on any of them.

Usually I find some of these guys absolutely hysterical. The info they provide is really nothing more than their picture, age, height, and a couple other blurbs about whether they want kids and the age range of the women they're looking for. It also provides their user name. It's really the user names that make me laugh.

Today's winning list:
idsmackthat
b4gunner1
2007NightTrain
Canyon173
crj_guy
trueblue_15
RSmith32
jay34300
joejoe78brick
bam3636
rebootrequired
TheLastPrince66

The ones from this list that made me laugh (almost outloud while at work) in order of hilarity with reasons why:
1. idsmackthat - yeah, you're really looking to date someone (said with the most sarcastic tone imaginable).
2. TheLastPrince66 - you're probably not attractive and trying to win someone over with your sparkling personality. But can the women get over your awful personal hygiene?
3. rebootrequired - i'm going to talk about computers and video games all day, every day and then ask you if you want to go to the next Star Trek convention.

Here is my most recent theory as to why Match.com has dried up in regard to dating leads lately:

It's the middle of regular season football. All of the cute fun guys are watching football all weekend and busy at work trying to get everything done for the week to watch football all weekend. Hence no time to meet women online and spend enough time emailing to get to the point where the woman is ready to meet them.

I really should have planned this online dating thing around football season. I should know better!

10 Days Later...

2008-10-27T12:28:00.003-04:00

...the only update I can provide is the following:

Sunday 10/19 rolls around. I was working on getting rid of my hangover from hanging out with my Iowan friend all day Saturday watching football and reliving college. Well, the Iowan was reliving college and my 30-year-old liver dropped out around midnight. I texted "Utah guy" to see if he had an update regarding the status of hanging out Sunday night and he said that he still had a lot of work to do and "perhaps another time?" I replied that another time would be nice and that I totally understood that he had a lot of work to do.

So that was 8 days ago and no word. Unless he's on track to finish his PhD this week, I probably won't hear from him. Ever. Because I didn't receive any messages at all and if he was able to find time that first week to hang out for 4 hours, I'm sure that he could have found time to text me to make plans.

While I waited to see if I would receive a message from "Utah guy", I proceeded with other conversations. Match.com has not really provided any potential lately, even though I did receive a new email that I need to check out. Also I did make it through questions for a few more people on eHarmony. Last week I did start emailing "Graphics guy" a couple times. I have yet to respond to his last message since he wrote me Friday evening and I was busy this weekend with a friend of mine in town for Pitt's Homecoming game. I'm not sure about "Graphics guy" - I don't have that super excited feeling when I find out that he's sent a message since, obviously, I haven't found a minute to write back.

There's also "Teacher guy" who I replied to on eHarmony but no response. I'm also fine with that because I didn't find his picture all that particularly attractive. It was better than most, but again, not making me obsessively check my email. Also, I'm in the process of going through questions for 3 other people, which may bring some additional options, but I'm not too confident in them. One guy has not shown me a picture and that is usually a prerequisite for any interaction, but I figured I'd take a chance. I was a bit bored last week with the online dating since it started out at a standstill last Monday. Another one I feel might stall since I'm still waiting on a response. We'll see about the third.

So to sum up:
1. "Utah guy" - 99% sure it's a closed match.
2. I've hit the time of the year where I am a more preoccupied with football and friends on weekends as well as trying to move, so this online dating is taking a backseat since I'm not finding anyone that peaks my interest at this moment. I guess I'm probably going to have to wait around and see what happens.

Ambiguity

2008-10-17T12:28:00.002-04:00

All evening Tuesday I waited for a text from "Utah guy". I was a bit anxious when I didn't hear anything back because last week he was always quick to respond.

Wednesday around 2:30 in the afternoon while I was reviewing a report, my phone buzzed with a new text. Thinking it was from the Iowan (a new friend of mine - not an online dating prospect) since he and I were going to hang out and watch the debate that night, I grabbed the phone and opened the message. It was from "Utah guy".

My original message: "Hey-i just wanted to say that i really enjoyed meeting you saturday night. Let me know if you would like to hangout again."

His response: "wow. Sorry for such a long delay in response:) i enjoyed meeting you as well."

The message didn't give me much to work with. There was a smiley face, but no answer as to getting together again. Also, I didn't understand the "wow" response.

So I consulted 2 female and 2 male sources in order to get a balanced opinion as to whether this was a positive or negative on a second "date". One of my male sources gave me a great plan of action - to wait until the next day and then write back, asking if he wanted to hang out this weekend. If he said "yes", then cool. If there was no response or he said "no" then I would have my answer.

My reply on Thursday: "I figured you were busy with work & school so you'd have time for football later this week (: do you want to hangout this weekend or do you already have plans?"

I actually started to write this blog when a new text message came in from "Utah guy":

"hey. I may be able to hang out on sunday evening- as always it kinda depends on how productive i can be the rest of the time"

So I am definitely calmer than I was on Tuesday night. I think I completely stress out one of my friends from our Tuesday Girly Poker Night Club who reads this blog. She told me I need to calm down.

AM - I'm better now! Sorry to cause any undue stress regarding my mental state/boy craziness! :)

But she definitely has a point - 4 1/2 years of being single and becoming the American version of Bridget Jones has made me a little anxious during this dating process. Hopefully I can keep my insanity in check and have a clear state of mind moving forward to keep my friends' sanity in check as well.

And if not, they might have to just take my phone away for periods of time and sedate me with alcohol. Also, I have been making lots of plans to hang out with friends to keep myself busy and under control. This weekend I'm looking forward to lots of football watching with the Iowan! And if I get to hang out with "Utah guy" Sunday night then cool and if not, I'll be having fun on my own. (:

Cross Your Fingers Please

2008-10-14T17:41:00.002-04:00

So I sent the text message to say that I enjoyed meeting "Utah guy" Saturday night and asked him to let me know if he would like to hangout again.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I don't get one of the following responses:

1. no answer at all
2. a message that he got back together with his ex-girlfriend who just happens to live in Pittsburgh
3. an email saying that he closed the match on eHarmony
4. any message where he says he just not interested because I said something that annoyed him, that he's just not attracted to me, or any other reason to never hangout with me again

Essentially, I want him to write back that he had a good time, too, and wants to hang out again. So I'm going to have to keep my fingers crossed that I get a second date with "Utah guy" and he doesn't go by the wayside of the other men that I've met and never seen again.

"Utah guy" and the Trip to the Southside

2008-10-13T13:41:00.003-04:00

"Utah guy" did call me on Thursday evening. We spoke on the phone for awhile - I felt bad because he had a really crappy Thursday at work. And I was on my way to meet the friends. Between the circumstances and the fact that I'm not good on the phone, I proposed that we meet in person. He said that he wasn't good on the phone either and thought that was a great idea.

I had that bit of nervousness since I really wanted to meet him over the weekend but didn't want to seem over eager. When I asked him when he said that, although he hated to admit it, his schedule was pretty open since he moved here not long ago. So I suggested Saturday evening and he said he'd be there. We spoke on the phone Friday because we were having a tough time deciding where to go since he's still not very familiar with the city. We decided on 8 at Z Lounge.

I got their first and staked out some seats. He showed up and looked exactly like his pictures - definitely a good sign. I thought that Z Lounge would be quiet. I guess you can't gauge the weekend by what a place is like on a Wednesday night because it was quite the opposite after the DJ showed up. We at least got to talk for about an hour and a half before it got too loud. And that hour and a half flew by. We decided to take a walk and see if we could find something quieter. So "Utah guy" and I headed down Carson towards the Birmingham Bridge. The Double Wide was pretty empty so we sat down outside to enjoy the beautiful weather.

At the Double Wide, I started to get a little nervous about the date. I mean, he could have left after Z Lounge but he didn't. Maybe it was just me feeling a little weird. There were some moments of awkward silence the whole night. But then, what do you expect meeting someone for the first time and being on a date-type-thing? I wasn't a fan of the outdoor lighting there though. I like dark places when I first meeting someone because I think I can relax a little more. He ended up with a headache that started at Z Lounge and was still lingering at the Double Wide. He was out for the Ohio State game at a party so I'm hoping it was a just a bit of a hangover. From our conversation, he seems to enjoy having party days watching football...which is what I did the whole day watching the Iowa and then the CMU game. We did a lot of football talk, political talk, some music and movie talk, and some talk about our jobs and his school.

We actually ended up hanging out for about an hour, hour and a half at the Double Wide before I mentioned that it had gotten pretty cold. He was practically shivering and I could barely feel my hands. Also, it was 11:45pm and we were both pretty exhausted.

This is where I get confused. So we started walking back towards Z Lounge since he was parked closer there and I was parked by 22nd. When we got to the corner for me to cross, we pretty much said goodbye. No "I had a great time" or "let's do this again". No kiss or even hug. So now I'm just confused.

I've decided that I am going to have to be a little brave and text him. Tomorrow. I'm thinking that maybe he was just being shy because he totally had an out after Z Lounge. And my only date where the guy didn't like me (the first one, "Squirrel Hill guy" but coincidentally has the same first name as "Utah guy") had one cup of coffee with me and then left. A grand total of an hour. Not almost 4 hours. And he hasn't "closed the match" on eHarmony. So they could be positive signs. And anyways, I figure that if he's not interested, he'll either be kind enough to let me know or never write or call back.

So I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a second date.

Thursday Man Update

2008-10-09T12:28:00.003-04:00

"Utah guy":
We wrote back and forth a couple times. In his message he sent Tuesday night, he included his phone number. So instead of responding I just called him last night. Unfortunately he didn't answer so I left a message. I did get a text from him apologizing for missing my call and asking if he could call tonight. Definitely - yes. Call tonight. I'm really looking forward to talk to him. Let's hope he remembers to call!

"Hurricane guy":
He started texting me last night around 7. He was doing homework and wanted some stress relief. Of course, as how our text messages work, it started being a little more suggestive. He asked if I wanted to help so, knowing that he meant stress relief, I took the homework angle and said that unless the subject was marketing or websites, I wouldn't be useful. He then suggested practicing anatomy. That's where I had to write back that I was concerned that he was just looking to hook up and I was absolutely looking for more than that. "Hurricane guy" did say get a little defensive with his response that he never said that he was only looking for a hook up. I was glad to hear that and I told him just that. However, I haven't heard from him since. So I guess I'm going to have to see what happens. If he never bothers to text or call me again, my guess is that he really did just want to hook up...

It Finally Worked!!!

2008-10-07T12:10:00.003-04:00

eHarmony has never been very successful for me. While I met 3 guys from Match.com, I hadn't even found a cute guy to respond back to me on eHarmony. That plus the fact that eHarmony kept matching me with men in Canada, Michigan, Ohio, Virginia...

Lately I have been keeping up with eHarmony just for the sole fact that I don't want to have to go through almost 200 people again. So on Sunday, I came across this one guy's profile. He was cute and had a professional job. He also was a big football fan and was a guy who liked to go out. I'm tired of profiles of guys that say that they hate going to bars and blah, blah, blah. Yes, going out for a couple drinks with friends...being social - very good!! I don't want a guy where we end up dating and all we do is sit in a room and stare at each other.

Since I need to give this guy a pseudonym, I will call him "Utah guy" since he had a picture with a caption that said "at home in Utah".

One of my other big gripes with eHarmony, other than the crappy matching algorithm, is the questions. I chose the "prefer guided communication", which means that someone sends some questions, you answer and send yours back, send back a list of things that you absolutely must have and things that you absolutely can't stand, then you exchange some open ended questions. The furthest I ever made it before deciding that the guy wasn't that interesting or cute was the "Must Haves/Can't Stands". But "Utah guy" seemed pretty cool as I hung out on Sunday watching football. He's a big football fan, too, who likes more than one team. And he does cheer for the Packers and the Steelers - so that is good! With my luck he'll be a Cowboys or Patriots fan...or even worse - a Browns fan!!!

Apparently after you get back the open ended questions, you get to start chatting through "email" on eHarmony. So far so good! I'm looking forward to my next message.

And if you're thinking - "What about 'Hurricane guy'?" I must admit that I have a feeling that all he really wants to do it hook up with me. I haven't even bothered to text him back since he was writing me on Saturday. I guess I should and I will eventually. I would just like to meet "Utah guy" first.

Killing Time in Another Time Zone

2008-10-03T20:15:00.002-04:00

I had a client meeting in Denver today. So the team and I flew out last night, slept, went to the meeting, and now are sitting in the Denver airport. Since I've spent the better part of the past 48 hours with my team, I started texting friends to chat. So when my phone buzzed with a text message, I figured it was one of my friends writing back.

Turns out it was "Hurricane guy". He and I have been having a text conversation now for about 15-20 minutes. It's the most I've heard from him in weeks. He was telling me to sleep to kill time on the plan and to think of him. Of course, me being the bitch that I am from time to time, I just wrote back to the message where he mentioned welcoming me back properly and ended it with referencing the fact that he stopped writing the last time we tried to make plans.

My phone just buzzed with another message. I was expecting him to disappear again. Shocking! He said that we'll get together soon and I replied that I was glad to hear that since I thought that he was blowing me off recently. He said school just sucks, but I still think it's a bit fishy since he disappeared in the middle of the text conversation to setup another time to meet. That and the random "How's your day" message that I responded to earlier this week but never got a response back.

This should be interesting...I'll keep you posted if we actually do make plans to hang out. Or I'm sure if he keeps blowing me off I'll complain about that, too. However, I am still keeping my offline options open.

Quick Update: "Hurricane guy"

2008-09-30T13:44:00.004-04:00

I just got a text from "Hurricane guy" asking me how my day was. The appropriate text would have been, "How have you been this past week?"

Go figure - I prepare myself to explore my offline opportunities and out of nowhere I hear from "Hurricane guy".

So I'm on the fence. I might just wait awhile to respond. Or write back, wait for him to respond, and then not answer for 5 days. And when I do finally resurface, send a generic text message like I haven't disappeared for awhile.

Thinking about this, he must have short term memory loss...or maybe he's reading this blog?

"Hurricane Guy" Lived Up to His Name

2008-09-30T12:29:00.005-04:00

He showed up, stuck around for about 12 hours, then dissipated.

The watched phone never rang. It didn't even ding from a new text message from "Hurricane guy". There were no natural disasters that took place where he would have been deployed. Therefore, no date number 2.

I had some reservations about him anyways - the shady roommate situation, the racist comments he made towards the end of the date as he was driving me back to my car, the feeling that he wanted to hook up with me more than date me...all of these make it difficult for me to really care that there isn't a date number 2. I wanted to go on a second date because I wanted to get a chance to know him better, but seeing as how I don't necessarily think those were his intentions maybe it's a good thing.

Fortunately, my Match.com subscription is not done until January so I can go back to ignoring the 50-year-old guys and hoping to start talking to cute guys my age. Also, when it rains, it pours so I also have some possible offline prospects, one of which seems to be the most appealing of all right now.

Despite these options, the only other thing that I want to close this match out for good is a reason why he doesn't want to make plans. Especially after he started to make plans last Thursday. At least "CMU guy" was polite enough to give me a reason. It was a bit upsetting to me, but I definitely appreciated the honesty.

One Week and Counting...

2008-09-26T12:18:00.002-04:00

One week ago I went on a really great date and was excited for date 2. I know that I need to have a little more patience at times, but when someone tells you that they can't wait to see you again, you would think that you would make plans to meet up.

"Hurricane guy" and I have been texting back and forth - Saturday night while I was at my friend's wedding, Sunday when I was having breakfast with friends who were in town for said wedding, Monday around 6pm when I was still at work, Thursday morning while I got my car inspected...that's a lot of texting, right? In all of those texts, there was no mention of another date. There was still a lot of talk of wanting to see each other again, but no "hey - what are you doing this weekend? Do you want to hangout?" Nothing.

So I decided to take matters into my own hands yesterday afternoon. I asked him if he wanted to make plans to get together. He was amenable and we got a few texts into making plans for "sometime soon" - just about the time for me to say that weekends were best and to ask if he worked every Saturday since I already had plans for Friday...and then the text messages stopped. Nothing since then. I sent one more last night asking him to call when he had time so we could setup the next date.

Now I'm waiting for the phone to ring. And we all know a watched phone never rings.

I've been trying to hypothesize as to what may be going on in order to prepare myself for the potential of no second date:

1. He is dating other people as well and found someone he liked better. This could be a definite possibility. Because the week or so while we were planning to meet up, he had not checked his Match.com account. However, he totally checked his Match.com account earlier this week. I know because I checked earlier this week and it said that he had been active within 24 hours - so Sunday night or Monday.

This could also mean that he thinks that I might be dating other people as well, but you know that I'm not. And I know that I'm not. But I still have yet to totally understand the thought processes of those with a Y chromosome so I would hope that he would think that I'm not. I'm looking to date one person, not a thousand people.

2. Something I said in one of my text messages changed his mind. I don't think this is the case because I said slightly more controversial things while we were out. But if my headache/hangover on Sunday because I had way too much fun and booze hanging out with my college friends at the wedding, then it would never work since I love my college friends and they've been around longer. They are part of my life and no one that I barely know will change my relationship with any of my friends. They either join in the fun or go home.

3. His grandfather is sick again. This can't be it - he would have told me since he told me last time.

4. Abducted by aliens (to use a friend's phrase) - this is when a guy just disappears. Stops calling or messaging. This is quite a frequent occurrence, at least in my and my friend's experiences. However, he does write back on occasion. He hasn't been on Match.com since Sunday night or Monday so the abduction could have taken place around 4pm yesterday.

Hopefully I'll have either a date or some results of my hypotheses above. I'm really hoping to have the date and not the reason that he stopped texting during our attempts to set a date.

Date 1: A Success So Far

2008-09-22T12:38:00.000-04:00

I finally met "Hurricane guy"!

Friday we planned to meet at Station Square for drinks. I was doing the nervous/excited thing prior to the date. This was then replaced with some fear that maybe he didn't look like his picture - that maybe he had turned into a troll and I would have to figure out how to get out of the date. This fear was multiplied by "Hurricane guy's" request that we meet right outside of the bar and walk in together. He got there about 10 minutes after I did.

So I was waiting for him to park and walk over. Anytime there was a guy walking past by himself, I stared at him from my bench to see if it was "Hurricane guy". For most of the 7 minutes that I was sitting there, most people didn't look close. However, there was one guy who was walking towards the bar and looked a lot like "Hurricane guy's" picture except that he was bald. I started to panic because although I know it's shallow, I want a man with hair. I know I can't control it if he goes bald later, but I want hair now.

So the bald guy walks past and into the bar. When he didn't come back out and I didn't get a text or a call, I figured I had dodged a bullet. Which was confirmed a minute or so later when "Hurricane guy" walked up. He was very cute - lovely green eyes. And he has hair! We grabbed a table outside as it was too loud inside. We both had the Sam Adams Oktoberfest beer (quite a tasty beer by the way) and ordered an appetizer to split.

We talked about work, movies, football, school...I was a bit nervous at first but after about an hour I was able to relax and crack some jokes without feeling completely awkward. We had a few drinks and then decided to go up to Mount Washington to walk around. As "Hurricane guy" put it, "we had the drink thing, now let's do the romantic thing". We were holding hands before we even left the bar...

Mount Washington was beautiful. It was a perfect night - not too cold but not humid and it was pretty clear. We traveled to all of the overlooks and eventually settled on a bench to sit on for awhile. We tried to find a place that was secluded in order to make out, but we kept getting interrupted by pedestrians. While we were on the bench though, the Pirates game ended and the fireworks started to go off by the stadium. Talk about perfect timing! So after an hour on top of the mountain making out and watching fireworks, we jumped back on the incline to Station Square.

On the incline down, we tried to get one of the cars to ourselves. However, we were invaded by a couple and their two children. We got back to the bottom of Mt. Washington and headed back to our cars. This comes to the weird portion of the date.

The first part was fantastic, but the second part I'm not sure of. It will depend on how much information he gives up. So he has a roommate and it's a guy, but because of this roommate we wouldn't be able to go to his place. So I think he lives with his dad. And I know because I live with my mom and I say the same thing. So we were relegated to go and make out in his car. It felt like I was back in high school again. So we are going to have to find a way to fix this situation. Or at least if he admits that he lives with his parents I would be ok. Then again, I never gave up the info either. So I guess both "Hurricane guy" and I have our issues.

Regardless, I do want to see him again and see how things go. There are a couple other things that I am a bit concerned with, but I figured that I should definitely get to know him a little better. We've been texting since Friday night and he definitely wants to see me again so things seem to have worked out well. Let's just hope he doesn't get back together with an ex like "CMU guy".

And the Roller Coaster Continues

2008-09-18T12:49:00.000-04:00

The date is back on. Either tonight or tomorrow for sure. I just spoke with "Hurricane guy" - it turns out that his grandfather went to the ER with chest pain and got a cardiac cath. I don't know exactly what that is but "Hurricane guy's" grandfather is doing ok now.

"Hurricane guy" felt really bad that he had to cancel. He apologized a couple times and that he totally understood if I didn't want to meet him after he cancelled, even though I told him that I understand that these things happen. That was a little over dramatic..."Hurricane guy" and I might be a very good match!

We chatted for a bit and I asked if he wanted to setup another time to meet. With lots of stuff going on, it's going to be a bit tight but honestly, who needs to sleep when there are cute, cool guys to meet? I mentioned that I could find some time tonight or tomorrow. "Hurricane guy" proposed that we set tomorrow for sure and then asked if he called later tonight if we could do something spontaneously. I was amenable to a last minute Thursday night meeting but just that I needed time to take a shower after working on the deviled eggs since I didn't want to show up smelling of egg. I didn't want to be that freaky looking, unibrow girl from the Planter's peanut commercial. I was impressed - he ran with the joke, saying that it was such a coincidence that egg/Miracle Whip is his favorite perfume. haha

So I guess it was a good thing that I boiled all of the eggs for the tailgate last night and have them setup. It took forever, but now I just need to make the filling, which shouldn't take too much time - allowing me to meet "Hurricane guy" before my fanstically fabulous weekend! :)

Online Dating: A Total Roller Coaster

2008-09-17T14:25:00.005-04:00

Yesterday evening I got a call from "Hurricane guy". He was working and just wanted to talk for awhile. We chatted for about 20 minutes while I was leaving work and it was cool. He's definitely fun to talk to and laid back about things. After the call I was even more nervous and excited to meet him tonight.

So I finally hit the downside of the day and I was thinking that I might need to go home first to get a different outfit because it was warm outside and a cute sweater might make me sweaty with the temperature and I don't want to smell on my date.

I walk back over to my desk to see that I had a text. I figured it was from him since he texts me every once in awhile. Sadly, the message said "Hey there! I know you're going to be upset but I have to reschedule tonight. I'm dealing with a family emergency." I wrote back that I totally understood even though it sucks that I won't get to meet him tonight and that I hope things are ok.

So I guess I'm going to have to wait even longer. Up, down, up, down...yup. A roller coaster of emotions and I haven't even met "Hurricane guy" yet.

The Plans Are Set!

2008-09-15T15:08:00.005-04:00

I've come to the conclusion that "Hurricane Guy" was just being polite answering my email the other day. He texted me as he was waiting to find out whether he was going to be deployed. Sadly, he didn't have any updates by the time I left work Friday evening, so I went out with coworkers for happy hour and then hung out with my friends the rest of the weekend. It totally worked out since a friend of mine was in town for the whole weekend so my whole group partied it up all weekend and watched a ton of football.

Today I decided to text to find out how his weekend was and if he was deployed. "Hurricane Guy" was deployed to San Antonio and just got back (I'm guessing last night or today.) Through text message we made plans to meet up this week. So Wednesday I will get to meet "Hurricane Guy" in person and see what he's like and what he looks like.

I'm definitely nervous again even though I know he really wants to meet me. He only told me that about 8 times through text message last Friday. I can't help it though. I have to figure out what I'm going to wear, which is difficult since I was going to wear what I wore the last time when I met "CMU guy" just in case it was a lucky outfit. However, looking at the weather this weekend, it might be too chilly for a skirt. And I'm meeting "Hurricane Guy" at Station Square, so a skirt might be dangerous since it can be windy down by the river. Don't feel like flashing "Hurricane Guy" and the rest of the Station Square Wednesday revelers. However, I need to find something cute that makes me look skinny, so this could take a few days.

Check for a recap on Thursday! Hopefully a positive recap if I can keep my nerves in check...

The Potential for Multiple Personalities?

2008-09-13T09:30:00.000-04:00

Funny thing – I came home and checked my email and saw that I had an email from “Hurricane guy”. I thought that was a little odd since I spoke with him on the phone last night and I figured he would call. In fact, I was waiting for him to call to let me know if he was going to be deployed to Texas to help with relief efforts after Ike hits.

Essentially the email said that he was better in person, thanked me for the phone number, and that he would give me a call soon so we can plan to meet up. He and I already had that conversation. On the phone. Somewhere around 7pm last night. We're going to a bar in Station Square...

Also, every one of the 5 sentences ended with an exclamation point. It was weird.

So I'm thinking that one of 3 things is going on:
1. He was being polite and just answering my email despite the fact we spoke on the phone.
2. He is really excited to meet me (hence the !'s) so he couldn't resist the opportunity to communicate with me in some way.
3. He doesn't realize that the email he answered this afternoon was from the same women he spoke on the phone with last night.
4. I didn't actually talk to “Hurricane guy” - it was just his friend on the phone.
5. “Hurricane guy” has at least 2 personalities rolling around in his head...maybe more.

I'm really hoping that it's number 1 or 2. But I will be paying attention when we meet or he calls to find out if it's number 3 or 4.

Timing is Everything

2008-09-12T13:38:00.000-04:00

After I got home last night I was thinking about calling "Hurricane guy". Then I heard them say on the news about Ike heading towards Texas so I figured I'd better act now before he's out of town for another few weeks.

Typically I would wait for a response after I email a guy, or at least wait a few days to give him an opportunity to read it. However, I justify calling last night by the fact that "Attorney guy" hasn't written or called in awhile. "Attorney guy" had called one day to try to plan a time to meet up and I got so busy that I forgot to call for 2 days. Then he was too busy. I got a couple more emails but I'm still waiting for a response.

Hence, I picked logged on to get "Hurricane guy's" phone number and left him a message. It was a great message - totally original and witty.

"Hi 'Hurricane guy'. This is [my name - I use my real name]from Match. I emailed you earlier but I decided that I should give you a call since I heard that Ike's bearing down on Texas and you would probably be heading out of town soon. Give me a call back at [insert number] and let me know if you want to meet."

The phone rang about 25 minutes later. "Hurricane guy" said that he thought that the voicemail was great and he's definitely looking forward to meeting me. We picked a place to meet, but unfortunately the day depends on the weather. Apparently he will find out by today if he has to head down to Texas to do more hurricane relief work with the military. So let's hope that Ike finds some cold water and dissipates since I want to meet this guy.

Some Positive Results

2008-09-11T10:30:00.000-04:00

Lately I feel that my blogs have been rather negative as I have felt that the options that I thought I had available disappeared. Additionally, new options were not presenting themselves. While I still feel this is true to some measure, this morning's email check brought a wonderful surprise - an email from "Hurricane guy".

"Hurricane guy" was a guy I winked at in the set of 500 men I reviewed a month ago. He winked back, I emailed him, and then...nothing. I wasn't too disheartened since I was still recovering from having met "CMU guy" and all the fallout from that, as well as some fallout in the offline world. Reading his profile he seemed pretty laid back and not overly serious. This could be a bad thing, but after the month of August, I'm looking forward to some fun and going on a couple real dates.

The content of the email is how "Hurricane guy" got his name. He apparently took so long to respond because he was deployed to Louisiana for hurricane relief through the military. He's also does public safety work. So I guess he's actually a man...unlike many of the guys I've met in the sense that he's been in the line of danger. That kind of stuff. I'm rather interested to hear the stories.

At the end of the email, "Hurricane guy" gave me his number, saying that he was better in person or on the phone. However, I am terrible on the phone and better in person on through email. It looks like we're going to have to meet and I'm going to have to take the chance that it will turn out like "First guy". I handled the rejection very well, but I didn't have the fear of running out of men on Match.com at the time. I just need to relax and make the phone call. I've survived the past 3 weeks so I'm sure I'll make it through the next couple. If not, I'm sure I'll complain about it here. Stay tuned...

I Just Got E-Rejected

2008-09-10T12:46:00.007-04:00

This was disappointing. I winked at a guy and instead of just never winking back, he sent me a rejection. In my opinion, this is rather inappropriate. I am totally cool with getting a rejection email if I email you, but this is the equivalent of the following situation:

You're at a bar, checking a guy out across the room, and he walks over and tells you to stop looking at him because he doesn't think you're pretty or you have bad breath that he can smell all the way across the room.

That's rather brazen. And then to make it worse, Match.com decides to include their own message. Match.com tells you not to be discouraged and to contact other people. They provide recommendations, thinking that it's helpful. However, they need to hire some better programmers because I already encountered 2 of the guys they recommended!! The guy on the right is a douche - I looked at his profile weeks ago. I'm not Italian so he's not interested. The guy in the middle I winked at about a week and a half ago. No response. At least he didn't sent that email!

So imagine the above situation occurring and then cheerleaders come running over telling you that you're still going to win the game despite the fact that all of your starters are out for the season.

Making Changes...or Corrections

2008-09-09T12:38:00.003-04:00

So going through the 100+ people from out of state or out of country did not deter eHarmony from sending me more matches from out of state or out of country. I had another 7 matches in the past 36 hours from MI, VA, OH, and Canada. I guess that this proves that Pittsburgh is a shitty place to be single since I wasn't matching with anyone within the tri-county area.

In an attempt to start getting people in the Pittsburgh area as potential matches, I went into my profile and updated it. I changed some settings (such as how important is location? VERY!) and added information to my profile. Hopefully this will start getting me more people around here that I can screen by picture and height like I do with Match.com.

The only thing that got me today was a match in Butler (that was the only new match I received in PA.) It threw me off because the guy was cute, the right age, gainfully employed...so I answered his first questions. Then I looked at his profile again and he is 5'5". That's shorter than me. I adjusted the "how important is height" setting. Too bad I couldn't select a height range of height>5'8". I want to be able to wear heels on occasion when I haven't broken my toe cavorting around the city on a Saturday afternoon.

All in all though, I am being hopefully. I think I now have a profile that is more informative and funny. Maybe I'll get some good matches!

Location, Location, Location

2008-09-07T21:58:00.000-04:00

I finally decided to clean up my eHarmony account. I pretty much stopped bothering with eHarmony when things were going well with Match.com. However, it appears as though Match has dried up so I want to ensure that I am taking advantage of all of my opportunities.

Since I haven't bothered with eHarmony, I have approximately 260 new matches. Additionally, the way eHarmony works, I need to go into almost all of these men's profiles to close the match so I can keep my account up to date.

Looking through these matches, there are very few from Pittsburgh. Most of my matches are in Ohio, Kentucky, Michigan, Maryland, and Canada. Of the 20 I've gone through so far, I believe around 4 of them were from Canada. Really? Canada? I selected within 30 miles of my zip code and that's the smallest area. I know that Canada is definitely way more than 30 miles from where I live.

And I absolutely refuse to commute to date someone. I don't have the energy to be driving across states and between countries to date someone. I will stay single if that is the case. I want to meet this dude who came up with this Flexible Matching concept. There is not flexibility with Flexible Matching. In fact, there is less flexibility as I would probably kill my car trying to meet and date someone from CANADA! Stupid Canada always finds a way to jump right on into American life even though they aren't relevant.

So for the next 2 hours until I go to bed, I will be removing matches from eHarmony. Hopefully I won't fall asleep trying to complete this task. Also, someone remind me next Sunday to not start such arduous tasks late on a Sunday night.

Men Have Issues, Even Through Email

2008-08-29T11:08:00.000-04:00

I still receive unsolicited winks or messages from guys. Some weeks more so than others, but it's a fairly constant rate. I would say that of these guys, I only find 5% attractive and within my height/religion/other requirements.

Last night, I received an email from this guy in Ohio. Now, aside from the fact that he was unattractive, had children, was only separated and not divorced, lived in a trailer, and seemed to be a bit of a boozer, I politely responded to his message.

Wayne35luv (initial message):
"hi there"

My response:
"Hello

Thanks for writing me. Unfortunately, you live a bit out of my geographical range. Good luck in your search!"

His response received this morning, which is a standard "No Thanks" response Match provides:
"Thank you for writing me, but I have just met someone and want to see how it develops."

That threw me - he messaged me and I turned him down. From his profile, I assumed English was his first language. Apparently it's not. Because I don't know how he thought I was interested from my response.

Even online, some men still find the need to save face as a result of ANY sort of rejection, geographic or otherwise. Just don't respond - especially when I'm not interested!

Back to the Drawing Board

2008-08-28T12:35:00.000-04:00

After getting dumped before even dating "CMU guy", a friend of mine said, "I give it 2 weeks, maybe 3, before you get a call." Even though that would be nice and I am holding out a modicum of hope that I will hear from "CMU guy" again, my past experience tells me that I need to continue on with my search.

I still have 2 guys that I have been talking to before "CMU guy" even appeared on the scene - "Attorney guy" and "Wrestling guy". However, I haven't heard back from my last emails that I sent them last Monday. From what I know of this online dating thing through Match, if I haven't met them yet, chances do not look good that I ever will. My only resolution that I know "Attorney guy" is super busy with a case and "Wrestling guy" doesn't check his messages every day. I haven't heard from "Writer guy" though. He and I shared some great emails, so I expect that he has found someone else.

In the attempt to increase my chances, I decided to run a search to find some new guys to wink at. There was also an outstanding message from a guy that I winked at previously that I answered. I noticed a link on the right hand side of a profile that said "Find more like him." Immediately I went to "CMU guy's" profile (which hasn't been checked in a week since our date) and clicked that link. To my dismay, there were only 9 guys like him. And of those 9, I only found 2 attractive from their pictures.

Since I spent all this money on online dating, I need to have a man that I'm attracted to. It's very important to me. I don't need Brad Pitt, but I do need to want to look at the guy I'm dating. Sadly, one of the guys like "CMU guy" seems really cool and nice, but he's bald. I have a lot of hair so it would definitely look weird if I dated a guy with absolutely no hair. That and if things would work out and we had children, I would die of worry that my child might end up with his hair genes instead of mine. Before you start thinking that I'm shallow - think about how often you have walked up to the most unattractive member of the opposite sex in a bar and offered to buy them a drink or ask them out. Chances are the answer is zero.

So I am back on the quest to find myself a cute, funny, smart, attractive man to date. I'm keeping my fingers crossed since I need all the luck I can get.

Profile Writing Advice

2008-08-28T11:24:00.004-04:00

I received a comment from an anonymous reader asking for profile writing advice, which I would like to take the opportunity to provide to you all if you're ever going to try this online dating thing. Don't let my bad experiences scare you away!

Personally, I try to include a number of interests. For instance I have used football, friends, and movies. Then I provide some general detail about them if possible. It's hard to expound upon hanging out with friends, but you can put your favorite movie genres.

It's also best to be honest. When someone states that they like dive bars, I like that. Because so do I. However, I'm tired of just about every guy saying that he's just not into the bar scene anymore. Well, what part? Trying to meet someone there or in general you don't like drinking in public? Because if you are not going to have fun on a night out at a bar from time to time, you're not the guy for me.

Unfortunately, I have found most eHarmony profiles to be very generic with no real description of who someone really is or what they like. And I find profile information very necessary with eHarmony since all those questions are annoying and not very useful.

One of my favorite profiles that a guy wrote was very creative. He took advantage of the fact that he is a writer to come up with some funny, fictional reviews. I found that very entertaining and he definitely received a wink on Match.com from me.

My best advice would be to use the following guidelines:
1. Be honest about who you really are. If someone doesn't like it, good! You saved yourself a shitty date.

2. Provide information about your likes and dislikes so others can decide if they are like you or not. But don't add so much detail as to not have anything to talk about when someone messages you.

3. Take a look at a number of Match.com profiles for examples to see what's out there, and then differentiate yourself from the rest of the group. People get tired of seeing the same thing over and over. It seems disingenuous.

I think I might be cursed

2008-08-23T11:25:00.003-04:00

I got home and was all excited to see an email from "CMU guy". However, I went from really excited to upset pretty quick. The waiting game is officially over so I don't have to wonder why he hasn't called:

"Hi Kristy,

Sorry I haven't been able to return your call from the other day.

I'm also sorry to say that a relationship with a prior girlfriend has re-started unexpectedly in the past few days, so I am not really looking to date anyone else currently.

I figured it's better to let you know why I haven't called so that you won't take it personally. Regardless, I did have a really great time on Monday and would have liked to see you again had circumstances not changed.

Sorry to disappoint.

All the best,

Rob"

I know that there are other guys that I've been talking to and it's just one guy. However, it's hard not to feel like I have some black cloud of bad luck hanging over my head. Especially when I'm 0-2. And #2 actually seemed to like me and I liked him. Worst is that I had to get an email instead of a phone call. I find that rather rude to meet someone, kiss them very nicely after your date in the middle of 14th street in the Southside, not return their call, and send an email to end things for an ex. Because as we all know, things with an ex never work. They're an ex for a reason. Should I take comfort in the fact that there were 3 "sorry's" in the email above? Eh - no. It's not like I even had a fair shot since, well, I'm cursed.

Sadly, despite my anger at life's little jokes, I can't even fathom a response to this email, aside from "maybe before you decide to kiss someone you should run it by your ex-girlfriends first". And I hate to not send one and come off bitchy. Either way I guess I'm going to look bitchy so I'm going to have to decide whether I want to confirm it or not. Right now what I want to do - confirm bitchy or pretend like I never received the email - changes every 20 seconds.

The Waiting Game

2008-08-22T12:09:00.000-04:00

This is the part that I hate about dating. The waiting to see if you get a second date. Usually I have a pretty good idea whether someone that I meet is going to call. However, there have been times in the past where everything goes really well, but I never get a call.

That's my biggest fear right now. Monday went really well and now I have to wait. I know it's only been a few days, but I was hoping to get to see "CMU guy" this weekend. I did call and leave a message on Wednesday afternoon so I have used my "one free phone call" card. Therefore, I can't call anymore until a week from Sunday by my rules. I don't want to be the crazy girl who calls all the time after one date because no one seems to want to date that girl.

I'm trying to draw comfort that I made plans with friends to cover the weekend figuring that he probably won't be calling to make plans for tonight. Also, I'm pretty sure that he is interested and that he will call. My thinking is that he's out with the first year MBA students since he volunteered to help with orientation. Also, he's been gone all summer so there is always catching up with friends and getting your apartment in order for school to start.

However, on the flip side - I did meet him through Match.com so maybe he had some other dates and likes someone else more. Of course I have resorted to some minor "peace of mind" stalking. So I know that he hasn't been on Match.com since Monday. Of course, if he logs in and sees me "active within 24 hours" he might be wondering what it is that I'm up to. Hopefully he won't think that since I haven't written back to anyone other than "Rescue Me guy" to wish him good luck with his new girl. So it helps me to believe in the fact that he's busy with orientation, friends, and getting settled back into life in Pittsburgh. I have myself about 96% convinced of that scenario. Stupid 4%.

But this is the crazy girl thoughts that I knew were coming. I think I prepared myself for them this time. And I think that I'm coping with this waiting game pretty well since I am able to easily keep myself busy at work during the day and hanging out with friends and coworkers at night. If I only had a great ability to be patient and calm, this wouldn't be so bad. Sadly, guys don't seem to suffer through the same issues. Lucky bastards - they don't have this crazy period and they can pee standing up.

So if you see me out and about this weekend, I recommend buying me a drink. I may need it in order to keep myself under control thanks to that 4%. At least I have enough control to not call and won't have to place my cell phone in the care of friends this weekend to keep me from calling.

My First Missed Match

2008-08-20T12:05:00.004-04:00

So "Rescue Me guy" and I had been trying to connect for about 3 weeks to at least talk on the phone. I was really happy that I didn't hear from him this past weekend since I was really interested in meeting "CMU guy". I consider this a missed match since we never really got a chance to talk or meet. There have been a couple voicemails and text messages, but no substantial conversation.

Yesterday I was hanging out with some friends when I received a text message from "Rescue Me guy". He apologize for not calling and told me that he started seeing someone. He wanted to let me know because he said that I seemed to be really nice and he didn't want to lead me on. I was so relieved! Because I was dreading telling him that after all these weeks of trying to talk on the phone that I had just met someone that I was really interested in. That was really nice of "Rescue Me guy" to be honest and eliminate some stress from my life. He seemed to be a pretty nice guy and that confirms to me that he is because he could have been like the first guy I met and just disappeared. We both wished each other well with our new people. It was definitely a positive experience. Contrary to popular belief among women - nice guys really do exist. I guess sometimes it's just that the timing is off.

The disappearing thing is just annoying. My one friend actually refers to the act of a guy who cuts off all communication as "abduction by aliens". It's definitely appropriate! Because they disappear, never to be seen again. IF you're lucky.

So, dating etiquette (online or off) is to always make sure to let people know that you are off the market.

Now, I must go make a call and send an email.

Meeting Face to Face - Take Two

2008-08-19T12:57:00.000-04:00

If you've been following, you know that the first time (and only other time) I met someone from Match.com, it didn't go so well. I tried to make jokes; he was offended. So I started getting really nervous about meeting "CMU guy". I ran around Monday morning like a crazy woman trying to put together an outfit to wear that night after work. But it had to look like I worked all day and then met up with him. Very tricky. So I settled for wearing my favorite brown-ish skirt. However, during work I wore a black top and black heels but changed into my green shirt that matches my eyes and my flip-flops. I needed comfy shoes.

The official workday ended so I went to take a shower (we have a gym and 2 private showers at work, which is nice if you go out after a workout or if you have a date and you're stuck late at work). My hair had dried enough by 6:45 so I decided it was time to call "CMU guy" and let him know I was done working for the day. My hands were shaking when I went to make the call. Why do I have to be such a nervous wreck? "CMU guy" seems like a perfectly nice guy - what's my issue?

So he and I picked a dining establishment (it was actually first choice for both of us - a good thing as I tried to calm my nerves before the date) and planned to meet at 8. What was I going to do for an hour? So I stopped at my usual hangout. I will call it "Crowley's" (who gets the reference? I'm sure most of my readers know where I'm talking about. I'm not good speaking in code I guess.) I hang out for a quick drink to kill a half hour and then head to the restaurant.

"CMU guy" shows up about a minute after I get there. Just long enough for the hostess to ask me where we wanted to sit, but not soon enough for me to ask him patio or dining room. He shows up (bonus!) and we say "hi", and then mutually decide patio. The patio was full, so we sat at a table in the dining room. Thank god - air conditioning! I sweat when I'm nervous.

At first I felt a little awkward, but things settled in after we ordered. We talked about what he did before grad school, traveling, if he liked sports, football (he's not a big sports person but I'm a huge football fan so it's unavoidable), and cell phones. So yeah, we talked about a whole bunch of stuff. We also talked a little bit about music since he was in a band and when he suggested drinks afterward, I suggested a place in the Southside that I thought he would really like. "CMU guy" is into more hard rock. He likes a whole bunch of stuff, but that's his genre. Like mine is alternative music, or as Foote says, that high school shit. (:

I was a little nervous taking him to this place in the Southside. It's a bit of a dive. "Crowley's" is a dive, but compared to where we went, you would think you could eat off of the floor. We drank some New Castle and talked about music until the band started. Then listened to the first band and were trying to guess how old they were by what they looked like and the songs they played. One of the last songs totally made us laugh. The lead singer said "I dedicate this song to" and then proceeds to look around the audience. Then the singer says "the bartender I guess". So they break into this song. It was something like "I Want to Fuck You Tonight" or whatever. I burst out laughing and "CMU guy" was laughing just as hard. I turned to him and said something like "wow - that's fucking funny!" He responds, "Didn't you know? This is one of their classics." Awesome comment! I like "CMU guy's" sense of humor.

It was just about 11 so it was time to head home. Sadly, I wouldn't have minded staying for the second band. "CMU guy" said that he really liked that place and was definitely going to have to come back. He walked to me my car and we did the exchange of "I had a really great time" and "we should definitely get together again." I was hoping for a hug - I figured since this was our first meeting, that probably a hug would be an indicator that it went well, especially after I dragged him to this hole-in-the-wall, dirty dive bar. The end of the evening definitely surpassed my expectations.

I really hope to see "CMU guy" again soon. Now I just have to deal with my typical girl issues: over-analyzing and the over-active imagination. I'm being positive now. I'm sure I'll post my typical insane and ridiculous thoughts later this week as I wait for word from "CMU guy".

A Successful, and Stressful, Phone Call

2008-08-18T12:19:00.000-04:00

"CMU guy" wrote back that he was back home, finishing up his summer break. He asked if he could call me on Sunday and if yes, what time would be best. When I received the message (and I think it's fair to say that I was "stalking" this email message), I wrote back with yes and a time to call. I was also supposed to receive a call from "Rescue Me Guy" that day as well, but "CMU guy" was top priority since he was someone I just started talking to and he hadn't missed a call. I'm sure I could make a comparison to Google's ad serving algorithm, but I will refrain from excessive nerdiness in this post.

Sunday evening rolled around and my phone rang - it was "CMU guy". I took a second breather to transition from apartment hunting and to calm the nerves and answered the phone. I think we had a pretty good introductory phone call. He was driving and I have to be impressed with his conversation skills while driving. I'm a good driver and multi-tasker, but I often zone out on a phone conversation while driving. Especially if it's a long trip on a highway.

The only downside for me came somewhere around 20 minutes into the call. I started to panic. I'm terrible on the phone when I don't really know someone very well. Hell, I am terrible on the phone when I do know someone well! In my panic, I asked him if he was "ok" driving and talking. When he said "yes", I still panicked with being on the phone. So I did what any intelligent person who was having a great conversation that she wanted to continue through a non-phone medium and said "hey - would you like to get together so we can meet in person?" Fortunately, he said "yes". So we planned to grab some dinner the next evening after I was done with work.

I lucked out on that phone call. I must have hid the panic in my voice well. (:

Occupational Hazards

2008-08-16T13:07:00.000-04:00

The one thing that I found comes with this online dating is obsessive email checking. On Match.com, if I receive a wink or a message from someone, it notifies me in my email. When I'm waiting to hear back from someone, I will check my email upwards of 10 times a day. It's ridiculous.

This was definitely the case on Thursday. I was actually hanging out with a friend of mine and I actually commandeered his laptop in order to check my email to see if "CMU guy" wrote me back.

I came across "CMU guy" during that Saturday when I went through everyone between the ages of 25-30. "CMU guy" is getting his MBA at the Tepper School and he met my requirements when I checked out his profile. He's taller than me, and really attractive. He also seemed laid back and he liked music. "CMU guy" even played in bands, which I found pretty cool. Anyone can play guitar but actually making the commitment to play in a band is a huge plus. That and it means that he has to be a good musician. At least in my opinion...

So I was really excited when he responded to my wink with a wink and a message. I wrote back and then obsessively checked my email, hoping for a response. I can't tell you how many times I checked my email last week. Verizon's servers probably overheated...

Scheduling Burnout

2008-08-14T12:44:00.002-04:00

One of the hardest things is taking that step to meet someone. You worry - "will he look completely different than his picture?", "what happens if we don't have anything to talk about?" or "what if I am not attracted to him?" You figure that the guy is probably thinking the same thing, too, but it doesn't help matters. Especially if when you meet, the fears come true for one party but not the other.

I think I have done a good job of pre-screening all applicants for the "date" position, but one can never be sure. Even if you meet someone in the offline world, pre-screening is not always effective. I met this guy about a year and a half ago who was cute and we had a lot to talk about. My friends and I call him "Hockey Guy". Turns out that he was an asshole and mentally unstable (he was even on medication). Bad combination. These fears are not unfounded.

Once you decide to take this step, meeting the other person should happen soon. The longer you wait, the more these fears circle around in your brain and mutate. It moves on to "I'm busy, too, but I can make time. What is going on that the man can't find an hour to sit down and meet?" Maybe it's my impatience and over-active imagination, but these are the things that I think about.

So I have been talking to "Attorney Guy". He seems pretty nice and even though he doesn't have the easiest picture to see online, he looks cute. "Attorney Guy" and I have been talking about meeting up. Last week, I forgot to call him early enough in the week to meet up on Wednesday. So we were going to try for this weekend but now, he's unavailable all weekend. It's a whole weekend. And he never said "I have plans with my friends" or "I'm heading out of town". In fact, just that this weekend doesn't work. "Attorney Guy" has always been open about what he's up to. Is it really just the case he's working on? Or is there something else? I just want to meet this guy and find out. And the longer this drags on, the more I start to worry that there's something going on. When he first left me a voicemail, his voice made me think that he wasn't 36 - that he was more like 46. I almost never wrote him back. I was afraid to call because I was skittish about the voice. And the voicemail was very long and detailed. I think he was actually talking to himself or thinking out loud for part of it.

There's also "Wrestling Guy" that I've been talking to. He's quite the opposite. I call him "Wrestling Guy" since the only picture where you can kinda see his face is a picture of him from a wrestling match. That or he's just wearing a funny outfit that looks similar to a college wrestling uniform. He and I have been emailing back and forth for a couple weeks. We talk about sports and joke about crazy funny things we do, like the letter I wrote to Comcast. (I only gave him funny snippets - I didn't clue him in to my absolutely crazy side where ripped Comcast a new one for taking MSNBC out of the channel lineup during the Olympics.) For all of our emailing, he has never mentioned meeting up or talking on the phone. Is he that shy? Or did he find this blog? Why hasn't he written me back in 3 days - I know he's been online because his profile says "active within 24 hours." This is turning me into a stalker.

This back and forth really gets exhausting. I just want to have my first meet up with a nice guy and actually have it go well. I already sent one running for the hills with my humor, so I want to see if there ever is a good meet up. And the longer that I wait for "Attorney Guy", the more I am nervous at the thought of meeting him. I need an Easy Button for this online dating stuff.

Advice for Newbies

2008-08-11T20:40:00.007-04:00

Start with Match.com. Don't start with both eHarmony and Match. Pick one or the other and by one or the other, I mean Match. I thought eHarmony might be better - all that it is doing is filling up my inbox.

I receive about 4-8 emails during the hours of 8:30 to 5pm most days. And then an additional 2 or 3 throughout the rest of the evening. That and apparently I don't match up with many cute guys in Pittsburgh with real jobs.

The other issue is that it's a bit of a process because you are just signing up so you think it's best to be on the guided track when in reality, you probably want the fast track it. Because this guided track doesn't tell you shit about anyone other than their writing style. And while this can give you an idea of their intelligence or upbringing - you really don't get to know anything about anyone.

I get cute bartenders or not so cute guys with real jobs, or cute guys with real jobs in OH or WV. And I am not crossing state lines. That's just dangerous. The rules are different in red states.

So essentially, I spent $179.70 (compared to $101.94 for Match.com for 6 months with an additional 6 month guarantee) to have an algorithm match me up with the guys that I'm already meeting. In my opinion, Google could probably create a better algorithm to match with me a man. Maybe I should check it out and answer some of the requests for information. Or I can pretend that I don't exist a little while longer. And if I do respond to someone, I'll tell them I was in a terrible accident and just got out of the hospital or something. I still have my crutches. I bet I can get swindle a cute guy into a date with that story.

How I Spent my Saturday Afternoon

2008-08-09T16:51:00.003-04:00

No one can say that I am not actively trying to find a boyfriend. I have just spent 4 hours looking through every single male between the ages of 25 and 35 on Match.com. 4 hours! Did you know that there's only 500 eligible men between the ages of 25 and 35 online on Match.com within 20 miles of Pittsburgh? That's it. That's all. 4 hours and I have gone through all of the men available to me.

Out of 500, only 165 of these men received a wink from me. That means that they were relatively cute and they met my height requirements (at the very least 5'8").

You might be tempted to say "Kristy, why only a 20 mile radius? Don't you think that's a little too small. That there would be more men if you make it like, 50 miles?" Well, let me tell you that I have encountered my fair share of men from Butler, Connellsville, Ohio...I'm not driving to Ohio for a date. That will never happen. The cute guy from Connellsville - I never texted him. It's too far. I'd never go. It would be rude of me to get some guy's hopes up when I know damn well that I am lazy and cheap. I'm not paying for gas to go all the way down to Connellsville. The guy had a kid, too. It would have been a precarious situation to begin with.

So now, instead of pre-ranking my fantasy football team, I have spent my entire afternoon checking out men on the internet. And out of the 165 winks that I sent out, only 1 response so far. So I'm apparently the only loser sitting on the computer all afternoon trying to get a date.

And now I am out of men. So if you know of any cute ones between the ages of 25-35, tell them to join Match.com because I'm out of men. What am I going to do next Saturday afternoon?

My First Time...

2008-08-06T20:20:00.006-04:00

So I started getting the hang out of this searching thing. I did get an email from this guy, we'll call him "First guy", who I thought was a bit attractive in his pictures. We emailed a couple times and exchanged numbers while I was at the shore. He calls me the Monday after I'm back and we talked about just general stuff - football, tv, shows, friends...it was pretty nice. He asked if I would be interested in meeting in person, so I agreed. It was my first Match.com meet-up.

"First guy" actually turned out to be even more attractive than his online pictures. He was nice - bought me an iced cappuccino and we started talking. I found out about his job and chatted about his investments as well as just general talk about how long we have been on Match and people we've met. That was easy for me. "uhm, you're the first person I've actually met from Match.com".

I did enjoy talking to him, even though I was very nervous and did encounter moments of shyness. I hate when I have those moments - it tends to ruin things when I lose my ability to speak. Also, I did find out that it really is a fine line between cracking a facetious joke and someone being offended by said joke.

Sadly, I think "First guy" was offended. He seemed to have a lot of the same traits that I have - impatience, bad temper, a little obsessive compulsive...the only difference is that it felt like I was laughing things off (except once but I at least smiled while he hit my nerve!) while he was taking everything completely seriously. I actually had to use the phrase "lighten up" with him. When he first proposed meeting in person, he mentioned maybe going to get something to eat afterwards, and he added "if you like me". Well, apparently he definitely didn't feel the need to hang out later than an hour and 15 minutes. At 8:30 he was ready to head home and we went our separate ways.

I'm convinced that he either a.) was actually offended and is definitely not going to call me back or b.) thinks that I don't like him because I was cracking facetious jokes. It is doubtful that he will be calling me back anytime soon. I might try calling him once and leaving him a message just to say that it was nice to meet him and to apologize if my jokes offended him. I might just say it was nice to meet him and leave it at that. Who knows. Maybe I should stop being so polite all the time? Or maybe I just shouldn't get too comfortable with people and try to be funny. Apparently people don't like funny...

Moving on, during my meet-up with "First guy", the other guy who sounded interesting called me. He left a voicemail about possibly getting together tonight. After listening to it, I don't think he's really 36. He sounds 46 or 56. I might just meet him anyways to find out. Maybe he has a cold? I hope not because I was hoping for a better 2nd try at this meet-up thing. Sadly, I didn't get a chance to call him back until right after work tonight so I'm sure he was probably offended and felt like I was blowing him off. It really feels like guys are really lame and get offended at the simplest things.

Why is it that women are the brave ones? I always thought men were supposed to be brave, too. What happened to equality?

Week One Update

2008-07-27T14:14:00.001-04:00

So I have been on Match.com and eHarmony.com for 1 week. There has definitely been a learning curve. I had to start searching guys and refining my criteria. Sadly, there are many people who are really cute, but a little outside of my driving range. If these guys want to come to Pittsburgh that's great, but I am not going to Connellsville for dinner. That's a bit too far with gas prices.

I've already noticed that some men are very laid back in regard to writing. Others want to get to know you right now. And there is no way to pre-qualify them. After the first couple of days I already had some emails.

Most of the emails I sent didn't end with a response back, so I started with the "wink". This is a great function I discovered that allows you to let someone know that you're interested without having to spend an hour trying to decide what to say in an opening email. I definitley enjoy the "wink".

However, I occasionally am feeling flirtatious and will "wink" a lot. I winked at a couple guys that upon revisiting their profiles, I found them not as cute as I did when I "winked" at them. This can be a dangerous option as then you have to either ignore them and feel bad since they "winked" back and are interesting, or you have to tell them that you're not interested through email (they email you sometimes). They do have standard "No Thanks" responses that you can send, but I feel it's rude to do that if you initiated the "wink".

I'm sure I'm really being way too sensitive about this, but this can be a very awkward and traumatic process. Especially when some 43-year-old guy puts his subject line as "Hey, you are hot!" I've also been winked at by 50+ year old hippies and creepy 40-somethings. I'm only 30 dude. Leave me alone. Or just send money, because that's probably the only way I'd date you because you're old. 20- and 30-somethings only please. Preferably employed ones. That's why I signed up - to meet men my age who are dateable.

It's Time to Add Another Online Activity to My List

2008-07-20T18:26:00.001-04:00

Two weeks ago, I caved and did what everyone had been pushing me to do for about 6-8 months -join Match.com and start meeting guys. It's been over 4 years since I have had a boyfriend, which is way too long. And I'm really getting tired of being single. The last bachelorette party I attended - I was the only single woman out of the 10 of us. It didn't make me feel all that great.

I signed up on Match.com and eHarmony.com. I had better go on quite a few dates to make up for the hundreds of dollars I put on my credit card. To-date, I am not feeling all that comfortable about it so far. Maybe I should have taken a hint from when I almost cried while creating my profiles. I just never expected that I'd have to look for love online. It was a novelty when I was 17 and I wanted to meet people that I didn't go to high school with. Now, however, it makes me feel pretty crappy.